Life post ID&C

I know no one reads these blogs anymore but I feel some kind of weird obligation to continue to update it when I'm completely unbusy. Today is New Years Eve and I'm back in Hawaii! I guess I forgot to chronicle my life post ID&C/during college so heres a summary of what is going on:

First of all, the first semester has come and gone! Lets just say that I wasn't as successful as I would have liked but I'm determined to come back firing in the second sem. Its been hard post punahou I guess cuz college is so much harder than what I've ever known. I'm a little jealous cuz a lot of my friends can't stop emphasizing how easy their work load is, while I'm over in upstate new york suffering over 4 required classes. Blah. I guess it doesn't help that I'm writing for the newspaper full-time and barely have any time to do anything but school, newspaper related stuff, and tennis. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I'm on the varsity tennis team at my college. Vars tennis in college is a whole 'nother deal from high school varsity. As you might guess its a lot more training and it obviously takes a lot of dedication but it has been great cuz I have a core group of great friends and parties to go to on weekends! HAHA thats another thing: I've been partying when I shoudl have been studying so my grades kinda reflect that. The social life at my school is SO GREAT I never thought I'd go wild but I def have. I'm thinking I need an intervention to save my ass before I flunk out. Anyway, ttyl there are so many things to do right now. Happy New Years I'll try to go on here more often...sort of.

R-

2 Months Ago

Almost two months ago I was sitting at a computer at school doing the last of my blogposts so that I could attend Senior Skip Day. Now that I've baccalaureatted, graduated, and my life is "beginning again", its been really rough to say the least. I have TWO jobs now: at Hoana Medical company, doing accounting work as an intern; and at Newtown Veterinary Clinic as an intern doing intern work (petting the animals, testing blood, cleaning up their doodoo, and looking at slides of infectious agents). FUN! So yeah I'm actually WORKING and MAKING MONEY which is a big thing because 1) I didnt expect to get a job at the beginning of summer, and 2) I've never worked before. Its great...I dont even get access to my money because I lost my debit card and don't have the pincode.

Anyway, college is coming up pretty soon (I leave in about 3 weeks) and my recent lower back sprain has me out of tennis till at least the end of the month--not a good thing considering I'm suppossed to play for my Div1 college team. HA so I'm getting fat from all the grad parties and lack of workouts/tennis and I sit on my butt 8 hours a day doing work, scholarship essays, reading the retarded global warming book (The Weather Makers by Tim Flannery--its actually pretty interesting)we were assigned by my college for summer reading/reporting :P, and playing with my iPhone! I got an iPhone btw...its soooo cool. I really needed one, anyway, because my ipod broke and my previous phone was getting old (blackjack). I'm suppossed to be working on expense reports or something like that but my supervisor isn't around to check my work and I'm bored.

Does anyone read this blog anyway? Is this all a waste of time? oh i dont care...its kinda therapeutic coming back to this after so long...and i have so much going on right now!

ya so my brother just got hurt recently & I'm trying to recuuperate asap so that our coaches dont drop us...yesterday I had a light hit (3 hours) with one of my coaches and my back wasn't bad but, man, im so tired today! garrrrh im gonna clock out of work now because im hungry and tired from yesterday.

goodbye im going home. :) until tomorrow/nexttime im too bored to function

Attached By the Ear

SO this is it: the 7th post. Its been a hell of a longtime coming but I'm finally going to finish it today. This is my people watching quote, only it went off on a tangent while I was actually suppossed to be observing people's habits, behaviors, ways their cultures are exhibited through their actions, etc. I started off sitting on a wooden bench on the first floor of Ala Moana, pretending to be checking out the crowd casually, but I was actually starring at particular people as they walked by. It was a busy Saturday, at about midday, so the mall was pretty crowded and definitely full of shoppers from other countries, mainland USA, and local people. One habit that transcended their countries of origin were their attraction to their cell phones. I'd say that 50% of the people that walked past me had a cellphone in their hands, either texting, calling, etc., or idly by their side, waiting for a call or text. It amazed me to see this because I would probably be on of that 1:2 ratio at any given time during the day. I don't think I'm addicted to my cellphone as much as I am dependant on it to provide me with amusement. It is a horrible habit, I know, to always be checking your texts, missed calls, and facebook mobile but I guess I'm a slave to my cellphone--and so are many other people.

What makes this story ironic is what happened a few days earlier. I was at school with one of my friends-who-is-a-girl and she kept interupting our conversation to check her phone or chat with someone who had called her. It was super irritating and I let her know. She told me she just likes to talk to people, but there I was right in front of her, talking to her! "So maybe you just like to talk to people on the phone, then. Or maybe you want to talk to PEOPLE not a PERSON at a time!" I said to her. She was taken aback, but I apologized and we kept talking. That incident rings in my mind right now, not because I do the same to other people (do it?), but because her habit is not as uncommon as I perceived before my people watching incident. My father always makes comments about cellphones and how my generation is constantly on them--sometimes he even goes so far as to call them evil! Anyway, what I feel like telling him now is that EVERYONE uses their cellphones religiously, not just teenagers. Heck, he's always on HIS cellphone so perhaps I should use that as an argument to defend us. (By "us" I mean, all the slaves of their cellphones like me).

Cellphones are unavoidable in this day and age when communication is vital to success in the business world. Its just that simple: if you know how to use modern technology then, chances are, you are going to have an advantage getting a job, keeping a job, or getting promoted over someone who refuses to move on from the brick-sized cellphones or beepers, for that matter, that used to dominate 10 years ago. So am I saying that it is a good thing for teenagers to be using their cellphones as relgiously as we are? NO, of course not. Cellphones emit radiation that can damage your tissues in the long run, and the monthly bills can certainly kill you, too! But knowing how to use them for good, not evil, will help in the future.

What was interesting about the half an hour I sat at Ala Moana was the prevalence of cellphones in a mall as massive and diverse as "Hawaii's center". I can go a whole day walking thorugh Ala Moana with a credit card and my ipod and not touch my cellphone once. Maybe I'm just uncommonly curious what each vendor has to sell, but thats just what Ala Moana is suppossed to present you with: choices. A mall is not a business man's office so the cellphone does not have to have such a pronounced presence as it does. Think about what downtown Honolulu must look like with every person on their cellphones! So it was strange to see people walk past me with their cellies in hand while they browsed store windows. Doesn't the presence of such a formidable piece of technology detract from the attractiveness of a display in a distracted shopper's eyes?

So, how to break the habit? I learned a lot about myself from the 30 minutes I sat there looking like a people-watcher (because thats what I was doing). Cellphones, I have determined, are an unavoidable and potentially helpful staple of our culture, but there are things I can do to avoid the perenial checking of "updates". One, I can focus on who I'm with or what I'm suppossed to be doing. Letting my mind waver allows the cellphone to summon me with its siren call. Two, I can try leaving it in my car, or in my backpack when I'm in class, or in a situation where I don't need one. Third, I can make a conscious effort to use it only as a learning tool, not a social facebook tool. People don't have to be attached by the ear to their cellphones, and I want to make sure my children know that in the future so that they won't end up like me. THE END

Good-Bad-Good in 30 Minutes!

This is a comprehensive manual for designing a "Good-Bad-Good" plotline for your family conflicts!

Before we begin, I would like to tell you the plotline (in 30-seconds or less) of a Disney Channel show that I watched over the weekend. A girl lives with their family in a suburban house in San Francisco. Girl has psychic vision, which causes her to make incorrect decisions on an almost daily basis. In this one particular episode, the girl sees herself going on a date with a guy she likes from school, but her vision shows that she must sabatoge the opening of her dads restaurant, so that she can go on the date. Girl sabatoges the restaurant opening day by leaving the refrigerator door open overnight so that all of the food is spoiled. After discovering the ruined food, depressed father goes out to eat with the rest of the family and it just so happens that he sees his daughter with the boy she likes. She confesses, apologizes, and, miraculously, the store opens the next night. Everyone is happy.

Does anyone else see anything wrong with that story? Its disgusting! I always used to wonder why my family had to be different from every Disney Channel family that ever existed. I would watch television, get in trouble, then expect a simple apology to make up for what I had done. Instead, the lectures I've received and the punishments that result are lengthier than any of the half-hour family-based shows out there. So there you have it: the basic plotline for a Good-Bad-Good family moment. As attractive as it seems, television obviously didn't do anything for my perception on the world or family dynamics. I don't know about any of you out there but my family has never been one to move on easily. We go through the whole "I'm sorry" thing like a hundred times, go over all infractions that are remotely related, and, finally, work out a solution. I've been subjected to "discussions" that were 2 hours long! The very idea of discussing what we did wrong is enough to keep me from stepping out of line. Yet, for some reason, we continue to be entertained by family conflicts that build, then erupt, then settle, all in a span of 25 minutes (if you discount the commerical breaks). It wasn't so much the ridiculousness of the shows that pissed me off, it was the fact that my life had to be so different than what was portrayed. I used to question the show, "Is that what happens in mainland families? Is my family just abnormal?" But why DO we watch television shows with plotlines that can be resolved in 5 seconds with such numbness? Is it because scenarios like those represent something that we can never have, but love to fantasize about? For me, it is the building up of the plot that attracts me the most strongly. I can love a show for the first 20 minutes then despise it when the finale comes. I sit numbly because I don't let my upset thoughts interupt my half an hour of thoughtlessness.

What about scenarios where the child and a/both parents clash with the child making a final remark that apparently leaves the adults stunned, before running off? How realistic is that situation? It certainly doesn't happen in my family, I've tried to shout, "Well maybe I wouldn't be like this if you hadn't put so much pressure on me!"--a common "final" remark--before storming off to my room. I've tried it many times, yet my parents always demand that I come back. The worst part is that I listen! No matter what I say they are never stunned to the point of just letting me run off. Their first instinct is to demand I return and "respect" them. Television life is SO not like real life. If I ever see a show/movie where the scenario actually reflects mine, I will be very suprised. How many people want to watch a family fight go on for 2 hours? But still I wonder why my family isn't like those in the tv. Is it because my parents are pretty hardcore with the asian-Christian, discipline/"respect your parents" thing? I haven't really discussed this inconsistency with anyone because I don't want anyone to think my parents are nuts, but it would be interesting to explore further sometime.

One side of me is pleased that my parents have always taken such affirmative action against my disrepectful behavior because I will be better for it sooner or later, but the other side of me wishes that they could cut me some slack for once. If our family was like those in tv shows, I would also learn lessons the first time around (also unrealistic?!) and our family would always be happy by the end of the day. In real life, however, I think I get to appreciate my parents' efforts more when I look back and realize how much effort they put into disciplining me each time they went over my rule-breaking. Their efforts look more exemplary and I can give them more credit, whereas if I always learned my lessons the first time around, the credit would go to me. Ultimately, I guess, its useless to dream about what is unrealistic in my household. Right now, the system we have is all that I've ever known and I'm definitely indebted to my parents for shaping me--whittling me down everytime we clashed and I lost. Am I envious of the "Good-Bad-Good in 30 Minutes" plotline? Of course! But I've just learned to come to terms with its conditions--that it only works in television--and I look at what I have with a new sense of gratitude! Yay! :D

So This is What the End Feels Like

So here I am at the end of my career here at Punahou. Suddenly I find myself full of uncertainty and doubt. "Will I be able to survive and be successful in the "real world" with the academic skills I've accumulated at Punahou? What about my lack of street smarts? Did I get everything I wanted to out of my costly and superior education?" College looms nearer than ever--I just received my housing, food, and orientation forms--and I cannot even begin to percieve what is ahead for me. But what am I suppose to think? I haven't been to a new school in over a decade, I rarely interact with people outside of Punahou (not because I'm stuck up but because I don't have the chance), and I've never been to a public school. All I know of the real world is what I hear from my parents, my public school tennis friends, and what I read. If its hard to understand how slow I am at learning about what things are "really like", consider this: I only found out that people have sex, do drugs, and drink alcohol when I was late in my freshman year. It was so hard for me to understand how people could still be doing all of that when we had so much preparation and warning from grade 4! Remember all of those sex, drugs, and alcohol videos we had to watch? The ones about puberty and how we should "be safe", "abstinence is the best policy", and "don't do drugs"? I always believed that that was enough to keep any kid from experimenting--apparently I was wrong. That is probably just one example of my naivety. Remembering this example, among others, does nothing for my confidence. College is a whole new world from what I've been living in. I'm definitely not worried about the many temptations that are going to try and get into my head, I'm worried about staying focused in school. I used to have a tendency to procrastinate (I think I still do). That, coupled with the fact that college is a huge step up from high school, causes me to worry if I'm ready for college life. I haven't had the opportunity to speak with my parents about college yet and I'm sure the conversation is going to come up sooner or later. Will they discover that I'm not as fit as they thought to live life on my own? Punahou has undoubtedly prepared me for higher levels of academia, but should they be held accountable for helping us adjust to college life? It doesn't seem likely. All they can do is release us to our respective colleges and well-wish us that we chose the most appropriate place to get a start on the rest of our lives. There are self-help books and the advice of our elders to rely on but our succcess relies on ourselves. We are ultimately the change we wish to see in our worlds. We must look at the situation logically and realistically and realize that college will determine, to a certain extent, how successful we are in life. Am I mature enough to realize this now? Will it finally dawn on me how serious the time is when I get there? Who knows what the future holds, but one thing is certain: I have never been one to take new situations in stride. I'm sure you've all witnessed how long it takes for me to transition to new situations. I don't like uncertainty--if I had to design a world to live in, I'd eliminate the anxiety associated with not knowing for sure. This tells me something about myself, right? I'm impatient, slightly type A, and definitely stubborn. Sometimes I think I'm self confident but my actions in tight situations show otherwise. Who am I at this crossroad between success and failure? A Punahou education does not guarantee success in college and success in college is not always indicative of success in life. Who will I become, based on my personality and my character. I ask these questions of myself because I know that I need to get them out in the open. I have to recognize and react to what is ahead on the quickly approaching end of the horizon. Thank you to Punahou, thank you to all who have helped me, thank you God for getting me through all of this, and good luck to myself. Can I conquer what I can't answer? Addressing the problem is the first step to making it work so it can't be too bad that I dedicated a post to confronting myself...

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

Post 4...3 more to go...

This year, I took AP Psychology, hoping to learn about the way we think and stuff. What I didn't realize was how complex and complicated psychology is. Anyway, one topic that really interested me was "Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs". Abraham Maslow was a famous psychologist who studied human motivation in the mid-20th century. One of his most famous theories is his "Hierarchy of Needs", shown above, which places the roots of our motivation in a pyramid arrangement starting with the most pressing on the bottom, to the most important on the top. According to his theory, upper tiers cannot be accomplisted without the fulfillment of the lower requirements. In case the picture is not too clear/does not appear, from the bottom, our needs and source of motivation are: physiological, safety, love/belonging, self esteem, and, finally, self actualization.

So I took a look at the pyramid and tried to identify where I am on my quest for self fulfillment. Unfortunately, I didn't have to look very far in order to i.d. where I stand. Physiological needs are the basic needs of human survival. We cannot go on to protecting our safety if we're starving to death--I have this category down! Haha the next tier is safety needs, referring to security of "body, employment, resources, morality, family, health, property". This category is also pretty solid since all of it can be achieved with the collective interaction between my parents and myself. As for the next tier...this is where I fall...hard! "Love/Belonging" calls for family relationships, friendships, and sexual intimacy. So far, so bad. But I don't expect to have this category down pat. [I think Maslow's pyramid is suppossed to apply to adults or people who have the time/resources to devote their lives to getting deep with their feelings/other people.] I'm 18 and on the threshold of an adult life so it won't be long before the pyramid will start applying for me. As a student, however, I'm not suppossed to be looking for my soulmate just yet, but trying to foster a healthy family environment is very much a priority for anyone. I think my mother knows this well. She has always tried to bring our family together around the dinner table (which is pretty much the only time we have, due to other commitments) where we talk and eat and just let the conversation go where it wants. It is because of her that I think that my family relationships are pretty healthy, and definitely reinforced. As for friendships, I do have friends and we are close, so I guess I've got that squared away.

The part of this category that doesn't work for me is sexual intimacy. "What the hell?" is more precisely what I was thinking when I was trying to see if I fulfilled the category. Yes, its true that people my age are doing "it" already and we haven't been taught at Punahou NOT to do it, so I guess it wouldn't be a shocker if I said I DID do "it" (I haven't, by the way). Should this be an acceptable part of my identity or the quest for self actualization? What part of sex makes it an identifier for a person? How good they are? Haha okay I'm getting uncomfortable now so I'll just stop.

As I looked towards the next step (self esteem), I realized that I do not have a healthy self-esteem. It is hard for me to go through life without insecurities. Who doesn't? A shaky foundation will definitely impair ones ability to move up Maslow's pyramid. I am insecure about lots of things: the shape of my head, the size of my feet, the beauty mark on my inner arm, my nice handwriting, the clothes I'm wearing, my lack of conversational skills, etc. How does one work past all of their fears and become secure with themselves? My mother always used to tell me that, "Other peoples' opinions don't matter--if it works for you than be happy with what you have." Living under your insecurities leads to suppression of who you are and it is freaky to think that invisible worries can affect the physical part of you. Worries are concocted thoughts so why are they so difficult to eliminate? I borderline on paranoia sometimes. I can't stop thinking about what other people are saying to each other about me. I wonder if they're judging me, because I sometimes judge them, or maybe they're starring at me with their preconceived thoughts and biases. Going to school at a mostly caucasian school next year has definitely started to weigh on me. Coming from Punahou where the majority of students are of some color, I don't know what to expect! I haven't been to a different school in 11 years, and certainly never to a school where diversity is measured by shades of white. How will I adjust, being the only asian kids in my dorm? Will I stick with the other asian kids or will I be able to integrate myself with all haoles? I don't want to believe it but, even if I do become friends with caucasian kids, I know I'll be self conscious that I'm the only asian in the group. Hawaii prepares you well for embracing diversity, but it does horribly at preparing us for the mainland where diversity is either "in" (UC Schools, California in general, MIT, etc) or "out" (Colgate<--my school, midwestern schools, schools in the middle of nowhere). So now that I've listed some of my insecurities and examined, to a comfortable extent, one of my future worries, I'm done.

A 5-Step Prgrm 4 U&Me

Blog #3 in a 7-part installment:

My title refers to our recent Senior Chapel, which occurred on Tuesday, May 22, 2007. Being part of the Senior Chapel Committee gave me access to all of the Senior Chapel secrets. After days and (literally) hundreds of hours spent on perfecting our program, we devoted an hour and a half to entertaining the Senior Class in the first of our final days at Punahou. Senior Chapel kicks off the graduation season so it is generally known to be the event which sets the tone for the rest of the festivities to come. When I wasn't on stage performing a skit or singing a song with my peers, I had front row seats from which I monitored each stage that passed. Following along with each group that performed, I was able to get my half an hour of people watching in. Some performances caused an uproar of applause, shouting of names, and "chee-hoo's", while others were relatively uneventful, the performers unknown. This got me to think about what makes a person likeable or what makes them entertaining. Is it the antics that they perform or the charisma that they exude?

According to "http://www.prometheusinstitute.net/opinion/jh92006.htm", there are 5 characteristics common in likeable people.

1) They are positive
2) They control their insecurities
3) They make themselves valuable
4) They eliminate judgments
5) They are people of conviction

In the time I spent people-watching in Senior Chapel, these criteria are true. The most likeable people in the senior class are those who display these characteristics. I think I am a fairly likeable person, but everyone could stand to be more likeable so I want to try the 5 steps out for myself.

However, it is interesting to see how many 5 step processes there are to improving you character, available online. Since when did our personalities become defined by 5 step processes? Nowadays it seems as though anyone who wants to self-help themselves have the resources to do so. Although most "5-step" programs are effective, I find it strange that they are so popular! Liberal ideals would encourage people to think for themselves and to be their own people, yet our culture is so dependent on 5-step processes. Psychologists, doctors of sociology, and just about everyone else can write about likeability now, and many have made a career teaching people about it. Personally, although it is very tempting to fall for every self-help program, I am also conflicted as to whether or not I want to follow the crowd, per se, and become a robot of societal liking, or just be who I am and say "to hell with them" to people who clash with me. Does it show character if I be who I am suppossed to be or does it show weakness/an inability to mold my personality? I always believed that following guidelines would make me into someone that I'm not, and they would severely restrict my lifestyle, which would be comprised of staying in bounds rather than bouncing where I want. Social restraints are tricky bounds to play with. We never know when we're going to get burned. In this particular instance, though, personality is something that never used to be contained. What kind of world are we living in if we can be classified by 5-step programs? One thing is for certain, though. The programs seem to work! While the suggested tips above seem general enough, they really mean "cater to popular society". How do you show yourself to be more positive? In what way does it come out and make itself apparent to people around you? The way one goes about making themselves likeable is by following expectations--acting in your specified gender, social position, etc.,--while still maintaining the criteria of the program. With all the restrictions that are put up by these things, it is no wonder that our lives are so stressful. [more later?!]

Inversion of the Heart

Post no.2!

This post has been a long time in the making. I started writing it on the 16th of May, saved it as a draft, and haven't come back to it till today. Recently, with all the hype about graduation and "starting a new chapter in our lives", I have been thinking back to who I am and what I want/wanted with my life. When I was an early teen, I thought I knew what I wanted with my life. Everything was absolute and, despite what my parents said about flexibility, I became more and more polarized towards my desires and goals. There were times when I had the opportunity to embark on new experiences but shut them down because I wasn't comfortable testing the water (cliche, I know). I'm 18 (!) now and about to graduate high school. Guardians in our lives tell us to "live without regret", meaning they want us to take advantage of opportunities that we have now so that we don't look back and wish that things were different. I never listened to any of their opinions and, true to what they said, I regret key decisions that I made. Anyway, as my life went along and I got along in years, I began to develop my identity (which is still in the making, by the way)and carve my preferences out from the ball of clay that I was born as. The kind of regret I'm about to talk about is different from the passing regret that we often feel when we wish something went differently. This blog is only about my most painful regrets and it transcends the shallowness of "Oh, too bad I didn't get to buy a soda at the snackbar" regret.

Thinking back, I would like to share some of the biggest regrets that I've had in my short, but opportune, life.

1. Voice lessons: Just the other day I was singing in the car, humming where I didn't know the words to a song playing on the radio. After three songs of off-key, yet spirited wailing, I said aloud to my mother, "Mom, I wish I had taken voice lessons." She gave me a sidewards motherly glance and she didn't have to speak in order for me to understand what she was thinking. You see, we had had this conversation many times before, especially over the past year with Variety Show and Senior Sing going on. It always went along the lines of her reminding me how she had suggested I take voice lessons--and how I refused time after time. She had a very complete argument against my refusals, but I still fought and got my way. I was stubborn and obstinate in my decision to stick with "tennis, school, and community service" so she eventually gave up. Everytime she gives me a sidewards glance like that I feel how exhausted she is, telling me that I should have listened to her and blah, blah, blah. I'm tired of it, too. Taking voice lessons became more important for me because high school praises people with talent. Life in general commends people with talent because they appreciate hard work. Other than playing tennis, which no one cares about (although they should!!!), I don't really have a show-caseable talent. When you are young, your perspective is shaped largely by your environment. When all of your guy friends believe that singing lessons are "for girls", you have no choice but to say no to your mother's invitation without giving it a try--saving face is the most important priority in middle school. The people I've met through various committees I've been on can sing/dance/act. I love music and God knows how often I sing out of tune to the songs on my ipod. I like to think that I can sing in tune but I know that the sound resonating in your head is way different than the sound that is projected on other people. Regret, regret, regrt...not taking voice lessons is my biggest regret. My mother ended up having the last laugh, as you can see, but it is a bittersweet laugh because she knows that a part of my developed identity will always be off key.

2. Volleyball: Waaaay back when I was 6-7 years old, I started playing sports. When I play sports, I'm referring to karate, soccer, and baseball--sometimes all at the same time! As a kid, you think you're so bogged down with stuff and you pity yourself, arguing that you won't be able to do your homework if you commit to one more extracurricular. Of course, as I think about my whining and how it got me my way time after time, I get upset at my parents for letting it get that far but I get angry at myself for stooping to those levels. And for what? Regret a decade later! Okay, so as the story goes, I never really gave volleyball much thought when I was younger but, as of two years ago, I began to regret not taking it up when the opportunity presented itself. People who don't know me well first comment on my height, then ask me if I play basketball/volleyball. As of right now, I have no regrets with basketball but, as for volleyball, I wish I could answer "yes" to their questions. I have been given the height that many asian kids can only dream of. My parents were ready to support any endeavor that I wished to embark on. I work hard at tennis because I want to be the best, so I know that my passion would have been there. Volleyball is not unlike tennis with its high-speed play, strategy (hit the ball where the people on the other side of the net can't hit it), and requirements (touch, physical height, predictive ability, and quick switches to defense/offense). I plan to play intramural/club level in college, yet I can't help thinking what would have, could have happened if I had only tried. Who knows? I might have actually hated volleyball but at least I'd know that it would never have worked out. The uncertainty that I feel towards volleyball right now is emotionally trying so I regret not giving it a chance. Maybe its just the notoriety that I crave (since tennis obviously doesn't exactly get you front page in the newspaper), or maybe the exhilaration that I see in the eyes of those on the varsity volleyball team--regardless, I find the sport appealing and hard for me to let go.

3. Spirituality: I was first introduced to Christianity when I was born! Haha its true! My mother is definitely a Christian and my whole family has sort of been taken up with her in her beliefs and convictions. However, I have never been able to truly be proud of my Christian upbringing. I used to blame my conservative upbringing for my shortcomings, my naivety, and my social retardedness. There is no doubt that Punahou is a pretty liberal environment to send your child to. Everyone at school seems to be democratic and morality or "living with principle" seems to be second to the social scene. I never really got used to this idea so I was constantly conflicted with what I saw and what I believed. Now that I'm 18, legally an adult, etc., etc., etc., andI have the opportunity to make decisions for myself--some that will possibly affect the rest of my life--I am grateful that I have principles which guide my life. The only way to live is with something to belive in and I know Christianity/conservative views is one way to stay out of trouble, direct my focus, and value what I have. Religion is a really deep topic and I'd like to limit my blogpost to a couple paragraphs so I'm not going to go into extensive detail but I do know that it provides something for me to believe in when all else fails. God is a supreme being who doesn't have a form. His grace and portrayed invincibility transcends my Earthly troubles and I think this is convenient because it gives us someone to look up to, yet never understand. The thing is, I don't really understand Christianity and my heart hasn't been fused with the passion that leads one to devote their lives or make it their guiding principle. You could say that I am a "convenient Christian". I go to it when I need it and omit it when it interferes with what I want. How can that be a good way to live? I'm crazy, I know, and there is no such thing as a convenient Christian. So what do I regret? I regret living between beliefs and not feeling bad about it. If only I had listened to my mother and father like all good kids do...then I wouldn't be in this predicament, faced with the uncertainty of misplaced beliefs and the prospect that when I need Him most, He won't be there.

In conclusion, as I venture out to new bends in the road of my life, I walk away with knowledge on how to make my life better. I have discovered that regretting can lead to two emotions in a person: depression OR fire. I'm the kind of person who wants to live with the latter and use it to make my present and future life better. Fire will push me to make up for lost opportunity and take advantage of scenarios as they come. Regret has changed my identity and I can feel myself evolving from someone who hides from chance to someone who wants more to live and die by it. My regret has turned to passion, and the fruit it bears will be sweeter than that from the tree of mediocrity that I have so far achieved. "Live Your Life" is my new motto and I hope to live everyday but its textbook definition. I wish for all of you that you will live your lives and become people without regret. In my eyes, its never too late to change.

So This Was A Stretch

Hey everyone this is the first of 7(!) consecutive blogs that I plan to post this week! Last weekend, I had an opportunity to attend a YuGiOh card tournament, held in a random card store on the corner of University and King Street. You see, one of my brother's friends is a hardcore Yu Gi Oh card player, and he invited Robin (my brother) to watch him "duel it out". Robin and I had no idea what was in store for us, but we knew enough about card tournaments to understand what was at stake. Apparently, the tournament we were invited to watch was a huge championship tournament in which the only players allowed to enter were those who had won a tournament in the past rolling year's time. The winner of such a prestigious tournament was awarded a box of unopened cards, their pick of 2 rare metallic cards, and a $100 gift certificate to the store. Entry fees weren't too high--about $15 per player, but the tournament was single-elimination, which meant you'd be going home if you lost your first match.

We met my brother's friend outside the store at 9 AM. He--lets call him Alvin--told us that we would have to watch from a distance because the players didn't like it when bystanders got in their line of focus. After his words of advice, we stepped into the store. The scene that befell me was bizarre and scary. There was a wide range of participants--from young kids to middle aged men. Some were dressed in costumes, others looked homeless, and the majority of the people wore glasses. "Nerds!" I thought to myself when I saw the damage. Rows of tables were set up across the length of the room, seated around them were the very people I never thought I'd hang out with. To interrupt this post, here is some background information. I'm not a very tolerant person when it comes to obsessive video gaming, intense anime card playing, or costume wearing. I find myself cringing when I pass students at school who are locked in heated computer game battles or GameBoy DS Lite multiplayer orgies. Being contained in the small space of the card collectors store with two dozen people who I vowed never to interact with was traumatizing! When I entered, they had looked at me with suspicion and I suppose I gave them the same glare back, but when the tournament official stood on a chair and announced the rules of the game, all eyes fell on him, diverted from awkward 'ole me. After explaining the rules of the games, there was thunderous applause and the matches began.
I'm an athlete so I was disappointed that the card game involved a lot of thinking and motionlessness. The battle I kept my eye on was between a teenager around my age (18) and a guy who looked like he was about 30. It may seem like I'm exaggerating this story for entertainment purposes but I'm not--the older guy literally had a unibrow! As I sized him up, I noticed that he was wearing faded blue jeans that were two inches too high above his ankle. His tshirt was a faded black color with some kind of creature on it. At one point, he was stuck in indecision for five straight minutes. He rocked back and forth in his chair, his eyes were locked on the cards, and every so often he would indicate at the cards with his fingers, muttering to himself under his breath. It was unbelievable to watch these people play Yu Gi Oh--they were so fierce, yet so "zen"! Ten minutes later, he was victorious and, as the two compeditors shook hands, the watching crowd clapped their hands. I wondered to myself, "Why is it that we judge these people for what they enjoy doing?" I didn't address the answer until I had left the store.
On the way home, I pondered the question and finally came up with an answer. Most of us are too lazy to try and discover for ourselves what these people are like. Although most of them are people you might be able to pick out of a crowd and label as "nerds", I was surprised that a good number of people looked perfectly "normal". In fact, I felt that the people in the store were a lot less judgemental than the people I hang out with on a daily basis. They applauded each other after victories and patted each other on the back when they lost, which is totally unlike most "manly" sports like football and wrestling. Even tennis is guilty of errupting i the occasional on-court skirmish. Each and every match went about with the most dignity I have ever seen. Although the competition was fierce and some battles were furious, they never forgot that it was "just a game" at the end of the day. I don't remember who won the tournament, and it isn't really important but, what I will remember is the gamesmanship that the players showed. My initial looks of disgust turned to looks of understanding by the time I left--I was captured by the good feelings being exchanged. Its strange how we don't want to take the time to connect with these kinds of people. Although some of them may look suicidal, and most can intimidate with their extensive knowledge of PSPs, they are still people in the end, and its not our place to judge their preferences for clothing, leisurely activities, or outward appearance. What I felt at the end of my pondering was a neat new feeling that, no matter what you look like, in compeditive situations, the best player wins and stigmatizing won't get you an advantage! Competition makes humans out of all of us.

What is a MAN?

Who looks like a REAL MAN? Decide for yourself...


Rafael Nadal/Tennis Player


The Rock/Tough Guy Heroes


Nerdy Chubby Guy


Paraplegics


Fall Out Boy/Bands


Guys who get waxes/40-year-old virgins

...and the list could go on...

If Nobody Cried

This blogpost is about Murderball, Never Let Me Go, and the Perks of Being A Wallflower. One theme that is reoccurring among the three cases of Identity is masculinity. What defines masculinity? What are the expectations of males in our society? Why do we adhere so strongly to our social constraints? I hope to examine this theme and, by the end of the post, integrate an example pertaining to my own life.


“Murderball” was the most obvious example of our culture’s obsession with masculinity. Following two paraplegic rugby teams, the movie strove to bring us to realize what it means to be physically disabled, trying to survive in our society. What the movie did for me was more than just show how grateful I should be to have a full, working body, or how paralegals try to do normal activities--it really put a mirror in front of my face and made me look at myself and how I fit into society. Each murderball player had distinct personalities and pervading feelings but what I noticed in each man was, despite their ruthlessness on the court, they had each learned a lesson in life, whether it was related to their accident or not. All of them had kindness in common and I admire their ability to go out of their door each day and face the world with a brave face. We are prejudiced against people who are different from us, and most of us see disabilities with a, “Sucks to be you,” attitude. What we don’t realize is that these people are just as, or, stronger mentally because they’ve had to fight both the public’s eye and their own depression. The men of the movie, Murderball, were undoubtedly athletically superior--I’m not even sure how many “normal” people would be willing to play that kind of game. One point that the movie effectively conveyed is the reaction of others to a person who is in a wheelchair. They automatically assume that the disabled person cannot do things for themselves and immediately offer help. For grown men who had always relied on themselves, this kind of treatment is degrading and can make one feel as though they have been robbed of their masculinity. As we watched the movie I thought to myself, “Do they play murderball because they feel empowered, as if they earned their masculinity back?” It is easy to see why we would equate athletic superiority with manliness. The media does nothing but praise the next up-and-coming Carmelo Anthony or LeBron James, showering them with attention, glorifying their every move. Part of the motivation of playing sports for many young people is because they want to be like the idols they see on T.V., in the newspaper, or on the radio. Money is equated with athletic superiority and who wouldn’t want more of that?! Here is my dorky equation for how our culture fits sports with masculinity:
Athletic superiority => fame/money/sturdiness/machoness/”balls” => manliness

The biggest question is whether or not living by the expectations of others is a healthy outlook on life. Should we live purely on what others define as “right” for our gender? Why can’t there be other ways of expressing manliness besides sports, bench pressing, or violence? Guys who are superior in poetry, for example, will never be considered “sexy” because what they don’t fit into our schemas of toughness or stalwart resilience. Although tennis players are some of the highest paid athletes in the world, they don’t receive nearly the same attention that baseball players do. Baseball is a lot slower, yet it survives as the “American Sport” and is a more notable example of masculinity. Somewhere in between tennis and football there is a line at which we separate the sports we see as masculine and those we do not. When you think about it, sports contain all the elements of “manliness” that our culture so embraces. Football is a popular sport because it requires inner desire and a fanatical lust for competition. For some reason we like to see super buff guys go at each other, disregarding entirely the imminent injuries and ailments that they will suffer from when they reach 40 years old. So is the American dream to play professionally, earn millions of dollars, fame, recognition, notoriety, and then wind up stuck in a bed or in a third triple bypass by the time you’re fifty? Obviously. There seems to be no set limit to the price we are willing to pay to prove that we are manly. The patterns seen in young boys indicate that there is a great peer influence that causes us to give in to dares, or act out of ourselves. You don’t have to be engorged by the spotlight to feel the pressure, either. Guys are just expected to act a certain way, regardless of where they come from or how they truly want to act. I have no idea where it happened but, somewhere in history, we became creatures of expectations and inflexible viewpoints.

Haha this is totally irrelevant but whenever I hear Justin Timberlake say hes “bringing sexy back,” and then I think about what our culture defines as “sexy”, I can’t help but wonder what it is hes bringing back. Is he making poetry writing the new sexy occupation? Is he eliminating the excessive use of bling? Is he bringing styles of the 50’s back? I doubt all of the above…what I think he means is that he is “redefining sexy”! Yeah, totally random.

Back to the post. “Never Let Me Go” was a fun book and, just like “Perks”, it featured a very excitable little boy who was shunned by his peers because he threw tantrums and cried. Why is crying a sign of weakness? Showing emotions are what make us human beings, so since when is it okay to suppress our natural tendencies? Another interesting quote that I heard came from the movie “Something/Raising-Caleb” (I forget the title) right after the high school football team lost its final game of the season. The guys were crying and hugging each other—being all-out “wimps”, as our culture might say. The narrator questioned our acceptance of displays of affection: “Why is it that our culture makes it alright for only the toughest of guys to show emotion”--or something to that extent. That is, essentially, the message that we get as young kids—that we are not allowed to cry or make a fuss of anything unless we have already secured our claim to manliness. Tommy (from NLMG) was a very sensitive character who lived life, in essence, looking at things through different lenses than anybody else. He questioned norms, spoke up for what he believed in, and never stopped being himself. Why can’t we all be like Tommy nowadays? First of all, the kinds of people most supported by our culture are those who are tough, humorous, and never cry. We base ourselves off of what we see—boys like Tommy never make front page, or even the newspaper for that matter.

“Perks of Being A Wallflower” is an awesome book! Charlie is definitely an unconventional sort of guy. Because he is only a freshman in high school he seems to be in the middle of knowing and not knowing. As a junior schooler, you are oblivious to high school life, while as a senior, you own the campus and know everything. The point at which we come into Charlie’s life is during a period of revelation for him—he begins to learn about girls, guys, sex, drugs, and, most importantly, the social scene in high school. Charlie is unpopular and the sensitive type of kid mentioned earlier in this post. At first glance, one has to wonder how he has survived so long. His love of literature, penchant for writing, naivety, and his choice of friends befuddle even the most knowing social psychologists. Who is this kid? At first, I thought Charlie was a little girl with a boys name—how could anyone be so oblivious to the “way things work”? After awhile, though, I began to see Charlie as a character worth admiring. He is so honest with himself and with the readers that I couldn’t help wishing I was as carefree.


I know exactly what Charlie feels like because I was once a new student and it took me forever to understand what it meant to be a boy/young man at our school. When I first came to Punahou School in 1996, I was definitely “behind” in the fads and overall social scene. Having come from a small private school with one first grade class, Punahou’s 8-class second grade was huge to me. I used to wear Gap collared shirts, or my favorite red Pokemon shirt to school, never thinking about what other kids thought. However, as time went on, it seemed inevitable that I would have to confront the stares and whispering sooner or later. I ditched the prep style/cartoon style and went all out with Quiksilver—there was a time when I refused to buy any brand but Quiksilver! Kids at school would have Gyro rings or Gameboys, chat about the latest PG-13 movies, and show off their glowing collections of Pogs then Pokemon cards then Yu Gi Oh cards. I was a complete dork through all of this. I would try and start a collection of cards then lose interest. I would beg my parents to buy me the latest technology, or take me to see “Scary Movie” to no avail. I blamed them for keeping me in the dark about the wonders of fads but I realize now that it was for my own good. Being trendy isn’t always the best way to go and I struggled with this realization for a looooong time. There is also no denying it--schools definitely are the breeding ground for our social roles and peer pressure. Of course I felt/feel the pressure to be rough and tough but I realized that people can see right through you so it is useless to pretend. Of course you have to wonder whether or not the teasing is worth staying true to yourself. Perhaps it is better to act than to not make any attempt at all. Embracing who you are is what will make you the most happy in the long run and the feeling of self-actualization that you get when you are free from peer pressure is indescribable. Getting to high school and discovering that drugs actually happen at Punahou was so traumatic for me. I always assumed that, because we receive so much warning and information on what drugs/alcohol can do to you that no one would do it. As a freshman I was still trying (and failing) to be trendy. One of my shortcomings was my naivety. Just like Charlie (!), I was out of it and did not have experience in understanding lingo or suggestive talk. If there were parties in freshman year I never heard about them, if someone was flirting with me (highly doubt) then I probably turned them off, if there was any kind of rebellious group I did not recognize it. As high school progressed, I learned more and more and became less and less of a “virgin” to information. I was always so conservative—and still am—so it is/was hard for me to blend in. If society is always going to demand that I bend my values and compromise my character then I hardly think it is worth the trouble. The same goes for masculinity. Why do we show preference for one kind of man? If people’s outward portrayals replaced genes in indicating who would survive (i.e. Natural Selection), and a plague wiping all of our “manly-men” out came along, then who would be left? When we strive to transform our entire man population to copycats of the brusque, brawny “ideal” that we emphasize so strongly, we cannot expect much in the area of choice. Manly men may be on the market now but, if times change, it will be interesting to see who assumes the throne.

"I Feel Infinite"

Inappropriate Quote

this is from Murderball...its stuck in my head so im sharing it w.you now.



"We're not going for a hug. We're going for a f**king gold medal." --Zupan

As soon as I heard the quote I knew that I had to share it with the world. What Zupan said shows how much intensity the players have for the sport, but it also has an undertone of masculinity in it. Just saying.

Unethical&Unfair

Of course, the issue behind the book is the prospect of human cloning. Although it is only a dream as of now, there will eventually be a day when scientists break through and actually do it. It is hard for us to fathom the ethical issues that will be raised upon conception of the first clone, but we can expect a fight on both sides of the issue as to the morality that is being sacrificed with us “playing God”. I am not pretending to know a lot about cloning or how far they are in the process of finding a viable method rather, the purpose of this post is to express my concerns. First of all, the reason “Never Let Me Go” was so effective was because it shows us what our future could look like. The point at which we dive into the era post-human cloning is way after the issue of ethical cloning has been debated. Instead, the hot issue was that of the rights of clones. “Madame”, Ms. Emily, and the rest of society were waiting to see if clones had souls. If they did then it might be necessary to treat them as normal people, whereas, if they were empty shells of people then it would be alright to deprive them of the rights normal people receive. As the book closes, the issue has died down and people are turning a blind eye to the unethical way clones are treated. The sad cycle that Kathy H., Tommy, and Ruth were caught up in was unique in that they received schooling and were prepared for their roles in society. Clones not admitted to schools like Hailsham represented the alternative to the kind way Kathy and her friends were treated. Throughout their lives, they saw the shift that society demanded--from educated, well-treated clones to shells that were disregarded in light of their disposability. What I thought was wrong with the whole issue was not so much human cloning as the way they were treated. If our society does progress to the point where we have clones for harvesting, I would very much be on the side of ethical treatment for them. When I say “ethical treatment” I mean treating them as though they were real human beings. Of course they won’t be able to have all of the same freedoms that we do, simply because they have a purpose and a final destination in life, but I would like to see them eased into their roles. What the book did not express adequately was the unrest that happened, or didn’t happen, in the clone community. Kathy, Tommy, and Ruth all knew about harvesting, and we know that they weren’t kept in the dark about it so I would have liked to hear about any of the clones getting angry. How is it that all of them accepted their fates willingly? If they were at all educated about life outside Hailsham and their cloning communities then I would expect them to see the differences. Growing organs in Petri dishes are way different from the method that is brought to light in this story. Using human clones for their organs, but treating them in an inhumane way sucks the logic out of the purpose. Why not just grow organs in Petri dishes or on mice—two solutions that are possible, and much less debatable? I don’t think it is right for us to play God in saving people beyond what is meant for them. If we had clones for harvesting then there would be no shortage of organ donations, but then a lot less people would be dying. I know it sounds awful to say, but if someone was meant to die then it is disrespectful to the higher power in your life--no matter what religion you believe in—to save them. When we take all these extra steps to keep people who are very sick, alive, we begin to cross the line between fate and a total takeover of God’s job. In the end, it appears as though we control life and death, leaving nothing to chance. Now that I’ve read the book cover to cover I realize why it has been so highly acclaimed. The book is suspenseful, yet carefully incremented so that we get a complete understanding of their lives before it moves on. The telling of the story in first person led me to see the soul in Kathy so that I am still conflicted over whether they way they were treated was acceptable. I saw nothing different about the way Kathy and I come upon logic—there is clearly a step-by-step process that each of us goes through, with emotions influencing the journey. We have to remember that she is a human being and the only thing that differentiates her from me is our conception. How, then, could our race have gotten as far as it did on the road of cloning where people don’t care about what happens to people who are fundamentally the same as ourselves? It was disappointing to see our species progress that far. To think that the first human clone might be created in my lifetime is scary and I hope that our world does not see parallels with Kazuo Ishiguro’s.

Never Let Me Go

I have to say that, after an excruciatingly slow start, Never Let Me Go has progressively grown on me. It now has a spot in my top 5 favorite books of my teenage life! Apart from the roundabout way the author writes, it is a beautifully crafted story that give you a feeling that is impossible to describe. If I had to somehow describe the feeling I'd say that it makes me feel like I thought about something for a long time, without having to expend mental energy on it. Everything Kathy says to us leads up to a conclusion that is neither rebellious or climactic, instead it makes me feel like I just faded into the sunset with a full stomach.

I Am the Next Apprentice

"You're FIRED!"
I'm sure you have all heard the famous two-word doomsday phrase that Donald Trump screams when another contestant on his popular show "The Apprentice", goes down. How accurate is this show compared to real life business situations? Is this how typical boardroom sessions go? Is this how one gets fired from their job? I've heard contestants reveal in interviews that Mr.Trump's show is the, "most difficult interview process" that they've ever experienced--I'm sure it is, too! Reality shows tend to exacerbate problematic situations in order to capture audience attention and, as dignified as Donald would want his show to be, there are many aspects of it that only television can concoct. Pressure by networks and their affiliates to produce high ratings leads directors to exaggerate and twist what is labelled as the "truth". My favorite TV shows tend to be those that are the most real. Watching Maui Fever, Laguna Beach, I Love New York--anything on MTV or VHI, in fact--hurts my head because its all so fake. Being able to spend a quality one-hour watching The Apprentice is what makes my Sundays great. Although I cannot overlook the fact that "real life is usually boring" being the reason for plot lines being boosted, I nonetheless am able to enjoy shows that come close to the truth. You can never expect any given show to represent what real life is really like, but the derivations are what makes--or breaks--a successful show. Successful reality shows are those that give us a balance of real life and what I call "televisionland", so that we are never too bored or too unconvinced. Donald Trump's confidence and goldenrod hair, along with his inspiring stories and words of wisdom make him a realistic boss. The contestants on the show, who come from normal lives, exhibit all of the ruthlessness that is needed to survive in today's cutthroat business world. Each person develops overtime and we find ourselves choosing our favorites based on our impressions of them. What we don't see, but surely realize, is what goes on back stage. There are dramas that go unseen by the public. "The Donald" gets his hair slicked back from time to time, especially before he thrusts his upper body forward in delivering his final line.

Heidi!

Then there is the issue of whether or not the finale has found the right candidate for the job. In most reality contests, I find myself screaming at the screen because the wrong person won. The Apprentice is no exception. One moment you could be the star of the show and the next you're shipped back home. Last week, for example, my favorite contestant, "Heidi", got booted off the show for messing up on one project whereas she had always been Donald's favorite on past episodes. Who am I to disagree with a billionaire, right? Wrong! Although I only know Heidi from the 12 or so hours I've seen her this season, while Donald spent 12 weeks on set with her, the purpose of the show is to find the next apprentice and the only time that matters in finding this apprentice is the time they show on TV. The compilation of clips that comprise the show expose key mistakes and try to give us hints at who will be fired. Heidi did screw up on that one task but she was awesome in all the other tasks. Would the star of a real interview process get let go just because they make one key mistakes while other people have made many small ones? It doesn't seem right to me and I'm sure I'm not the only one who has seen "the best" get voted/fired/unloved off the show. In addition, Donald is not on-hand to see his contestants compete. He gives no indication of having watched the tape before the boardroom sessions and his assistants rarely see anything meaningful. Most of the decisions are made, in actuality, by the other contestants. If they mutually decide to pick on an outcasted contestant then that person is probably going home! I've seen it time and time again, especially in the shows earlier stages. How can Trump make such an executive decision when he barely even knows the candidates and their work habits or true morality on the job? If he does get more personnal attention with the candidates then I think the show should convey it. From what it looks like now, Donald makes a decision based on 1) results; and 2) what the candidates say. This looks bad on TV, if you think about it.

The last pet peeve I have with reality contests is that they can sometimes be rigged and often feel scripted. American Idol, for example, lets go of its contestants when they are discovered to have "dirty pictures" on the internet, have once stolen a car in high school, etc. The Apprentice, I'm sure, is not without its scripted moments. How personnal is Donald's final decision, anyway? Is the winner truly someone who best represents the company by their smarts, fast thinking, and resourcefulness? If you look at the record of past winners of the show, all of them are young, white, and very attractive. This season, two of the three black candidates left in the first three weeks and, as the end nears, the only recognizably ethnic person is Korean. One has to wonder how much longer he will last! (I am in no way accusing Donald of discrimination, btw).

Overall I love the show but some factors just don't add up, as is expected with all reality shows i guess. Watch The Apprentice: Sundays, 9pm, channel 8 (cable)

Domination

When Mr.Maretzki first started playing the movie Tape I was really concerned because it seemed so boring and anti-climactic what with the entire shoot taking place in a dingy hotel room and the cast totalling a whopping three people. Uma Thurman’s apperance in the movie MADE the movie into a classic story of control and confidence. Anyway, I decided that I want to answer 2.75 of the 4 questions!!

***"As you watched the film, how did you identify each character, did their identity (as you perceived it) change, and why?"
addressed at the same time as "Assuming that in any relationship between two people there is some balance of power, where did you see power shifting, and what caused it?"***

I think that the character, Vince, played by Ethan Hawke, definitely did not change character-wise but did experience a change in his control of the situation. He went from being in total control of the situation to being in trouble and at the mercy of the plot line by the end of the movie. The reason that he wanted Jon Salter to come visit him was so that he could get a confession out of his friend and present a tape recording to the suppossed "victim" Amy Randall. The coyness of his immature character persuaded Jon to come clean with the story of what happened the night of their graduation. Vince was able to nag Jon into confessing a crime that he didn't really commit, showing that he had total control! He dominated the first half of the movie with his trickery as well as his childish, annoyoing, yet captivatingly dangerous lifestyle. Vince did not change in character, grasping at straws when the movie opened and remaining desperate when the movie closed. At one point, it seemed as though the intention of his actions were to screw everyone over and ruin their lives.

Contrary to his plan, the arrival of a strong and resolute Amy Randall spoiled his nefarious scheme. When Amy Randall arrived, you could sense that there was going to be a shift of power, simply by the way she confidently walked, talked, and reasoned. Amy had a very powerful character and you could tell that she was very good at thinking on her feet, often taking command of the conversation by focusing on her opponent, Vince's, weaknesses. She went at him like a starved dog, biting the neck of his argument and bleeding it to death, which would be expected of an attorney general! Even as Jon tried to confess the validity of the suppossed date-rape experience, Amy was unstirred, faithful to her original stance that it had never taken place. Her strength of character helped to lift Jon out of his backed-into-the-corner position and revive his self-respect. I was amazed at her resilience as well as her ability to change the minds of others--her character was unwaning and unaffected by Vince’s silly, pot-headed plot.

In my opinion, Jon was the victim of both Vince and Amy throughout the story, never gaining the upperhand in both his actions and his interactions with his two friends. He did not have enough dignity and self-confidence, falling for Vince's plot, needing Amy to wretch him back to real life by convincing him that what he thought happened did not happen. It appeared as though he gave up fairly easily and was constantly on the defense, even when trying to tell Amy what happened ten (or however long ago) years before. His character change was barely noticeable because I had perceived him as being a weak person from the beginning of the movie. The only evidence of sustainability that I saw in Jon was his willingness to accept his fate after Amy called the police. Once again, Amy was able to take control of both men and expose their character and values. Because of Amy’s convincing act, we were able to get the sense of an identity change in both male characters. Vince, once again, proved himself to be a coward, flushing the drugs he had lived by for too long, while Jon decided to stop running from his guilt and come clean.

***"What does Tape reveal to you about males & females?"***
This may seem like a silly answer but the movie showed me that men are always vulnerable to women. They may think they have the cajones in the beginning, but when the big dance comes, they are often proved wrong. Amy was a great example of a working woman who knew what she was doing and had the means to control the situation. This movie showed me that gender has nothing to do with your control over a situation. The determining factor in whether or not you are able to take control of your life is your inner character. Will you be Vince or will you be Jon in a situation that tests your morals? Anyone who has drive, confidence, and determination will be the one surviving in the end, regardless of your gender.

This movie is also a good representation of the 21st century working woman who is unafraid to challenge her male counterparts. Ever since equality prevailed over laws that discriminated against women, we have seen an influx of women who are willing to beat men for jobs--take Hilary Clinton, for example! The boxing gloves are off, as far as I’m concerned, because women are no longer content with staying home raising a family. Amy was a quintessential example of the “new” generation of working women. Ruthless and confident in her abilities to discern common sense from trash, she paved a way through the movie, unphased by those she cut down mercilessly. Gone are the days of a dominant gender--women are on their way up as far as I’m concerned.

My "Fatsuit" Experience

I organized a fund raising event, this past weekend, in collaboration with Marble Slab Creamery. They offer a 50% cut of total Saturday and Sunday net sales for any nonprofit organization that works in their store. It all came together after three weeks fo planning, poster-making, flier designing, duty delegating, and overall organization. I was very proud of the work I did and my meticulous preparation made Saturday's 3 hour shift seem like 3 minutes. At the end of the day, the store manager told us that we were on track to beat the record set by another club. I went home and created a Marble Slab jingle, wrote two more signs, and went to bed full of confidence.
I arrived at the store early Sunday morning and began to check people in. When 10AM rolled around I had already accumulated 12 people--the number of people who RSVPed their availability. Each person was given their duties and put to work.
If you're going to open an icecream business, let me give you a piece of advice: don't open on Sundays. Not only do people not want to buy icecream on the holiest day of the week but they get extra pissed if you screw up, as I found out soon enough. The lunch crowd started coming to buy icecream at about 12PM so all of our volunteers were forced to step up the pace. In the middle of the rush, a middle aged haole lady of stocky stature came into the store with her equally massive hubby trailing behind. A sophomore girl took her order but, forfeited the job to me because the icecream they wanted was too hard to scoop. She was so flustered from the rush of people that she mixed up the clients' orders--the lady wanted a banana-double-dark-chocolate-with-marshmallows-in-a-peanut-waffle-cone while the man opted for the double-dark-chocolate-with-walnuts-and-sweet-cream-in-a-waffle-bowl. *gasp gasp*. I ended up making two icecream orders that represented somewhere in between what they actually wanted. When I handed the lady her "order" she was furious! I apologized profusely but she responded by telling us that I had to start the order over again. This time I made the order correctly but the lady had words of advice for me before she pouted away. "You people should train your workers before they get started--the service was awful and I didn[‘t appreciate your attitude." It seemed as though the store was at a stand-still because everyone wanted to see what was going on. I apologized again but she turned her head in disgust, waving a “talk to the hand” in my direction, all the while muttering to herself about how rude and inconsiderate I had been.
There is no way to convey the emotions I felt at that moment. It was a cross between embarassment and anger, which I am not sure I was justified to feel. She should have known that we were a bunch of inexperienced high school Red Cross members who just wanted to raise money (there was a ton of signage going on outside the door) so I didn’t understand her strong reaction. My indignant attitude fought my feelings of humility so it was hard for me to grin and bear it. Some people have told me that I have attitude problems when I converse in everyday conversation (justified), but this was different because I had been perfectly courteous all weekend. Then it struck me...hard! I don’t know how it is for most people, but I know that I have been guilty of treating people in the food service industry with less than the respect they deserve. Not as ruthless as the lady had treated me, yet not as nicely as I might treat a friend. This is an ICM because it gave me perspective into the lives of working people who have constant contact with the public. Having never held a job of any kind in my life, it was a pretty shocking and eye-opening experience. I have stood by while my mother complained to our servers at restaurants, sometimes using tones that were less than courteous, but I didn’t have a chance to see it from the perspective of the worker. Sure, I felt sorry for them but nothing compares to experiencing it first hand.
In a way I am both grateful and upset about what happened that day. Grateful that I got a chance to get to know life from a different standpoint, but upset that this kind of thing happens everyday. From that moment on I decided to be more conscious of the way I treat people, whether they stand behind the counter or on duty. A persons identity is more than just their ethnicity or gender, etc. Not having held a job before made me realize that you take on another aspect of your identity when you start working. People can now judge you on your job’s prestige and performance in that job. Remember the Tyra Banks's famous "fat suit" experiment, in which the supermodel mogul “fattened” up for a stroll though New York? She walked away realizing that the grass on the “average people” side of the hill wasn’t as green, or tasty. My day at Marble Slab Creamery was somewhere along those lines though not so embarassing, but just as revealing. :-D

"Nobody Touches You"--Clean(ed up) Version

This post is about the award winning movie, “Crash”!

The 3-time Oscar-winning movie had an awesome screenplay and a slew of super stars in its cast whose talent is the reason that it became so successful. The movie brings us into the heart of Los Angeles, putting us face to face with each character’s struggles in the areas of stereotyping and discrimination.

Here is my favorite line, performed by Don Cheadle in the opening scene of the movie, "It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something." This idea circulated over and over as the two class days played out, as we met each character and got a sense, not only of who they were, but, more importantly, what they believed as far as stereotyping is concerned. When they started crashing into each other, we saw their pervading ideas influence their words and actions. The reason the movie was so effective was its realism and the way emotions were framed. It took ordinary L.A. situations—assault, robberies, high jacking, racial preferences--and turned them into a cohesive plot where each character was interrelated with the people they stereotyped the most strongly.

L.A. was the perfect setting for the movie because there are so many different ethnicities crammed into the city. Unlike Hawaii, where we, for the most part, accept and embrace the beauty of diversity, the Los Angeles conveyed by the movie seems to have a lot of trust issues between races. People go about their daily lives, accepting of their ignorance, avoiding each other, blinded by prejudice, so that they never get a chance to understand each other. When they finally make connections, they do it in grand fashion, careening out of control and “crash”-ing in each others' faces. But perhaps being ignorant of their stereotyping is the best way to protect themselves so that they don't have to face each other until the big caboom. The rose-colored world that they lived in did little to prepare them for what came at the end of the movie.

It all goes back to the quote by Don Cheadle. The Oxford Dictionary cites the definition of "city" as "a town or collective body of inhabitants." The Los Angeles portrayed in the movie does not seem to be a collective body of inhabitants because each group of people is at odds with each other. Instead, the "city" seems to be more of a collection of warring villages whose goal is to avoid each other as much as possible. There are no opportunities to "brush past people" or for "people [to] pump into you" because no interactions are made. The metal and glass he is referring to stands for any barrier which separates people--one way mirrors in a police station, stereotyping, or silence. Los Angeles is a place of great industry, but I never thought that its inhabitants would be just as mechanical. One has to wonder how much emotion is exchanged in the crashes that do occur. Are they just a heap of metal and glass or does blood mix with empathy? Crashing is still the only way to feel, and to notice how many layers they've been hiding behind.

I have never lived on the mainland (although I did live in Orange County when I was 1) so I was doubtful as to whether I would understand the stereotyping going on in the movie. To a certain extent I feel that I understand the feelings being exchanged--just not on a personal level. I can see why each “crash” was bound to happen, but I cannot relate to the ideas, the source of the discord. There is no wonder that this was an award-winning movie because it addresses such heavy issues, doing so gracefully, yet truthfully. It encouraged each and every viewer in the audience to address the issues presented and assess their own ideas. We grew with the characters and, perhaps, tried to deny that a crash was imminent so that we cried when they did. But then again, how could I understand it at all? To hate one race with such a passion that you cannot even look at them without thinking about your stereotypical ideas is a foreign concept.

Hawaii does an exceptional job of preparing us for the world where understanding and seeing past stereotypes is a congenital "street smart". Although stereotypes still exist in Hawaii, they are less prevalent in the way our society interacts. We may have deep-rooted traditions—pressure from grandparents to marry people of the same ethnicity, etc.--but feelings of stereotypes have really lessened through the generations and, sort of, faded from our way of life. Tolerance is a skill necessary for the average Hawaii citizen, a habit planted in us because of all the “touching” that we do. In addition, to discriminate against one race is to discriminate against a lot of people because of our large “hapa” (mixed) group. People in Hawaii don’t crash into each other simply because we can’t—we don’t grow up that way and it doesn’t develop later on. If only Los Angeles had a little of Hawaii's cohesiveness, they'd be a lot better off...

Babel Take 2

Hey all! This is my post on the movie, "Babel". Babel is a really interesting movie that has a lot in common with another movie we watched, "Crash". Both addressed stereotypes, only in different ways. Where Crash sought to change the characters' perspectives on racial stereotypes through their forced encounters, Babel kind of enforced its characters’ pervading ideas on stereotypes! Everything I know to be characteristic of "Japanese" or "Mexican" or "American" and "Middle Eastern/Moroccan" was supported in the movie. The characters representing each ethnic group really didn't surprise me at all, in terms of their fashion, choice of language, or even their actions. My perception on "F.O.B.s" was confirmed in every action that Chieko made because she acted, apart from her deaf-mute complications, exactly in the manner presented to us by the media. My idea of "Dirty Mexicans" (not to sound racist or anything) was confirmed in their unlawful actions, rash thinking, and menial social-economic status (as shown by the dirty wedding and status of the city we saw). As most people are aware, Americans don’t come off as the most considerate people. Take Richard (Brad Pitt) for example. He demanded that the Embassy send help and that the police conduct an investigation to find the shooters while simultaneously holding the bus full of scared tourists at bay. Although his actions may be attributed to the highly stressful situation, it still communicated the basic message that Americans can be jerks, especially when dealing with countries of lower social-economic status and perceived lower intelligence. “Middle Easterners/People that look like Middle Easterners” are in our news more than ever so it is quite impossible for anyone NOT to know what kind of tendencies they have. We associate them with terrorism and fanatical religious beliefs and, although Babel did not show these stereotypes, the worldwide media in the movie certainly lived up to their reputations, exerting their power to control the public’s impressions, framing them as terrorists.
At the same time, each situation, which took place in three different areas of the world, had irregularities. These irregularities intensified the movie as far as stereotying was concerned. Each scenario was effective because they pitted our preconceived images of stereotypes with situations we know happen but aren’t typical, and certainly don’t fit in with our schemas. For example, during Spring Break I had the opportunity to go to Japan for ten days. While there, I got a good sense of Japanese pop culture through my observations. In a land as industrialized, highly developed, and dependent on business communication as Japan, it is hard to imagine how life must be for a deaf-mute person. Chieko’s disability must, and is going to, make it hard for her to survive on her own. Although the streets of Japan are relatively devoid of human interaction, the teenage population is all about sounds--music, conversation, and communication are what separate the new Japanese generation with the old. To feel left out of most of society, with the knowledge that there is no way that you’re ever going to belong, must be very disheartening. In this example, when we think about the skills you need to survive, and then think about deaf-mute person like Chieko, the mind is stretched and your stereotypes are never the same again.
Another example of the movie’s mind-expanding situations is the point of view of Adriana Barraza, the Mexican maid who was living in America as an illegal immigrant. Most of us are ill-informed as to the situation with illegal immigrants, only that they come across the border, risking everything and ruining local U.S. economies with their hire-for-nothing mentalities. Adriana’s performance in showing us the thankless, yet dedicated, side of Mexican labor earned her a “Best Supporting Actress” nomination. The only thing separating her from a U.S. citizen was her citizenship status but, in terms of work ethic, it is arguable that she was more dedicated to her job than most people who are born into their citizenship. I found her story the most moving of all because it was such a stark contrast with what I had previously thought of illegal immigrants. Illegal immigrants in the news don’t have faces, only a status, so it is hard to understand where they’re coming from. By presenting her story through her eyes, I realized that what we think of illegal immigrants is made by the few who stand out by committing heinous acts, like her nephew.
Because the film had a sparse amount of verbal interaction, I think the real language of the film was the emotions that the actors were able to convey to the audience. We felt hooked by their tears, torn by their distress, and internally conflicted by the clash between their cultures and our pervading stereotypes. A quote from the “Babel” movie website (http://www.paramountvantage.com/babel/) confirmed my beliefs. About Rinko Kikuchi’s role as Chieko: “There is very little physicality to this role, the performance is all about her eyes and her ability to allow you to feel her suffering. [Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu] relied on her to sustain the gravity of the story.” The actors in the movie pulled this concept off and proved that you don’t need words to bridge the gap between peoples.
I think the movie was cleverly and accurately named in reference to the Biblical event in which God endowed different languages and cultures upon the people trying to build a tower to heaven. Ever since He did that, our world has faced challenges because of our inability to understand each other culturally. Each scenario tackled problems in communication. Cheiko couldn’t convey her inner struggles associated with her mother’s death to greater society, the Mexican lady couldn’t convey her struggles and emotional attachments to people threatening her living situation. Brad found himself out of place and in a powerless position in a very dangerous place while politicians argued and the media contorted the magnitude of the accident. In addition, everywhere you looked, there were other communication struggles: interrogators and suspects, Chieko and her father/her friends, Brad and Cate Blanchett, the Mexican lady and her employers. When a movie like Babel focuses on our nonverbal communication, we get in touch with our sensitive, primal side--the side that cries because others are in pain, or feels like they completely understand a stranger from a single interaction.
The one scene that stands out in my mind, because it almost brought me to tears, was the one in which Brad embraced the Moroccan translator, offering him money in thanks. The translator refused the money and, through the flickering of their eyes, I understood the beauty of selflessness and genuine empathy. In that action, the reason he helped the Americans became clear. Through the time they spent together he connected with them on an emotional level--probably due to the fact that he had to repeat everything each to each party involved. The point is that money is in short supply in a third-world country like Morocco so it would have been totally understandable had the translator accepted a fee for his services. By pushing the money away, the man gave us a refreshing look at what the world would be like if people were selfless and cared for one another. This kind of situation rarely happens nowadays because "money makes the world go 'round" and we look for rewards for our efforts, rather than acting out of caring. I appreciate those kinds of situations and I do wish that we could all be as generous as that man.

Babel--NOT Your Typical Biblical Movie

Hey all this is my post on the movie, "Babel"! Babel was a really interesting movie that had a lot in common with Crash. Both addressed stereotypes, only in different ways. Where Crash sought to change the characters' perspectives on racial stereotypes, Babel kind of enforced them! Everything I know to be characteristic of "Japanese" or "Mexican" or "American" and "Middle Eastern/Morroccan" was supported in the movie. The characters representing each ethnic group really didn't surprise me at all, in terms of their fashion, choice of language, or even their actions. My perception on "F.O.B.s" was confirmed in every action that Chieko made...she was SUCH a typical Japanese (the kind of Japanese we know, as projected by the media)! My idea of "Dirty Mexicans" (not to sound racist or anything) was confirmed in their unlawful actions, rash thinking, and menial social-economic status. As most people are aware, Americans aren't exactly the most considerate people--take Richard (Brad Pitt) for example. He demanded that the Embassy send help and that the police conduct an investigation to find the shooters. Although his actions may be attributed to the highly stressful situation, it still communicated the basic message that Americans can be jerks, especially when dealing with countries of lower social-economic status. Middle Easterners/People that look like Middle Easterners are in our news more than ever so it is quite impossible for anyone NOT to know what kind of tendencies they have. We associate them with terrorism and fanatical religious beliefs and, although Babel did not show these stereotypes, the media certainly framed them as terrorists.
Although I did see some connections as far as stereotypes are concerned, it was still very hard for me to understand the movie as a whole. Was the plot as simple as what I thought? I highly doubt that, but I'm not sure if watching the movie again and again will help me to figure stuff out. Because the film had a sparse amount of verbal interaction, I think the real language of the film was the emotions that the actors were able to convey to the audience. We felt hooked by their tears, torn by their distress, and conflicted by their cultures in the context of our personnal stereotypes. I think the movie was cleverly and accurately named in reference to the Biblical event in which God endowed different languages and cultures upon the people trying to build a tower to heaven. Ever since He did that, our world has faced challenges because of our inability to understand each other. When a movie, like Babel, focuses on our nonverbal communication, we get in touch of our sensitive, primal side--the side that cries because others are in pain, or feels like they understand a complete stranger with minimal interaction.
The one scene that stands out in my mind, because it almost brought me to tears, was the one in which Brad embraced the translator, offering him money. The translator refused the money and, through the flickering of their eyes, I understood the beauty of selflessness and genuine empathy. Money is in short supply in a third-world country like Morocco so it would have been totally understandable had the translator accepted the fee for his services. By pushing the money away, the actors gave us a refreshing look at what the world would be like if people were selfless and cared for one another. This kind of situation rarely happens nowadays because "money makes the world go 'round" and we look for rewards for our efforts, rather than acting out of caring. I appreciate those kinds of situations and I do wish that we could all be as generous as that man.

Movie Rating: ***** (five stars)

Icecream Ain't Always Cool

I organized a fund raising event, this past weekend, in collaboration with Marble Slab Creamery. They offer a 50% cut of total Saturday and Sunday net sales for any nonprofit organization that works in their store. It all came together after three weeks fo planning, poster-making, flier designing, duty delegating, and overall organization. I was very proud of the work I did and my meticulous preparation made Saturday's 3 hour shift seem like 3 minutes. At the end of the day, the store manager told us that we were on track to ebat the record set by another club. I went home and created a Marble Slab jingle, wrote two more signs, and went to bed full of confidence. I arrived at the store early and began to check people in. When 10AM rolled around I had already accumulated 12 people--the number of people who RSVPed their availability. Each person was given their duties and put to work. If you're going to open an icecream business, let me give you a piece of advice: don't open on Sundays. Not only do people not want to buy icecream on the holiest day of the week but they get really pissed if you screw up, as I found out soon enough. The lunch crowd started coming to buy icecream at about 12PM so all of our volunteers were forced to step up the pace. In the middle of the rush, a middle aged haole lady of stocky stature came into the store with her equally massive hubby trailing behind. A sophomore girl took her order but, because forfeited the job to me because the icecream they wanted was too hard to scoop. She was so flustered with embarassment that she mixed up the clients' orders--the lady wanted a banana-double-dark-chocolate-with-marshmallows-in-a-peanut-waffle-cone while the man opted with the double-dark-chocolate-with-walnuts-and-sweet-cream-in-a-waffle-bowl. *gasp gasp*...I ended up making two icecream orders that represented somewhere in between what they actually wanted. When I handed the lady her "order" she was furious! I apologized profusely but she responded by telling us that I had to start the order over again. This time I made the order correctly but the lady had words of advice for me before she pouted away. "You people should train your workers before they get started--the service was awful and I didnt appreciate your attitude." It seemed as though the store was at a stand-still because everyone wanted to see what was going on. I apologized again but she turned her head in disgust, waving a hand in my direction, all the while muttering to herself about how rude and inconsiderate I had been. There is no way to convey the emotions I felt at that moment. It was a cross between embarassment and anger, which I am not sure I was justified to feel. She should have known that we were a bunch of inexperienced high school Red Cross members who just wanted to raise money (there was a ton of signage going on outside the door) so I didnt understand her strong reaction. My indignant attitude fought my feelings of sorry-ness so it was hard for me to grin and bear it. Some people have told me that I have attitude problems when I converse in everyday conversation but this was different...I actually tried hard to sound pleasant! Then it struck me...hard! I dont know how it is for most people but I know that I have been guilty of treating food service people with less than the respect they deserve. Not as ruthless as the lady had treated me, yet not as nice as I might treat a friend. This is an ICM because it gave me perspective into the lives of working people who have constant contact with the public. Having never held a job of any kind in my life, it was a pretty shocking experience. I have stood by while my mother complained to our servers at restaurants, sometimes using tones that were less than courteous, but I didnt have a chance to see it from the perspective of the worker. In a way I am both grateful and upset about what happened that day. Grateful that I got a chance to get to know life from a subservient standpoint, but upset that this kind of thing happens everyday. From that moment on I have decided to be more conscious of the way I treat people, whether they stand behind the
counter or in line. A persons identity is more than just their ethnicity or gender, etc. Not having held a job before made me realize that, when you start working, you take on another aspect of your identity. People can now judge you on your job prestige and performance in that job. Remember Tyra Banks's famous "fat suit" experience? My day at Marble Slab Creamery was somewhere along those lines...only not so embarassing. :-D