Attached By the Ear

SO this is it: the 7th post. Its been a hell of a longtime coming but I'm finally going to finish it today. This is my people watching quote, only it went off on a tangent while I was actually suppossed to be observing people's habits, behaviors, ways their cultures are exhibited through their actions, etc. I started off sitting on a wooden bench on the first floor of Ala Moana, pretending to be checking out the crowd casually, but I was actually starring at particular people as they walked by. It was a busy Saturday, at about midday, so the mall was pretty crowded and definitely full of shoppers from other countries, mainland USA, and local people. One habit that transcended their countries of origin were their attraction to their cell phones. I'd say that 50% of the people that walked past me had a cellphone in their hands, either texting, calling, etc., or idly by their side, waiting for a call or text. It amazed me to see this because I would probably be on of that 1:2 ratio at any given time during the day. I don't think I'm addicted to my cellphone as much as I am dependant on it to provide me with amusement. It is a horrible habit, I know, to always be checking your texts, missed calls, and facebook mobile but I guess I'm a slave to my cellphone--and so are many other people.

What makes this story ironic is what happened a few days earlier. I was at school with one of my friends-who-is-a-girl and she kept interupting our conversation to check her phone or chat with someone who had called her. It was super irritating and I let her know. She told me she just likes to talk to people, but there I was right in front of her, talking to her! "So maybe you just like to talk to people on the phone, then. Or maybe you want to talk to PEOPLE not a PERSON at a time!" I said to her. She was taken aback, but I apologized and we kept talking. That incident rings in my mind right now, not because I do the same to other people (do it?), but because her habit is not as uncommon as I perceived before my people watching incident. My father always makes comments about cellphones and how my generation is constantly on them--sometimes he even goes so far as to call them evil! Anyway, what I feel like telling him now is that EVERYONE uses their cellphones religiously, not just teenagers. Heck, he's always on HIS cellphone so perhaps I should use that as an argument to defend us. (By "us" I mean, all the slaves of their cellphones like me).

Cellphones are unavoidable in this day and age when communication is vital to success in the business world. Its just that simple: if you know how to use modern technology then, chances are, you are going to have an advantage getting a job, keeping a job, or getting promoted over someone who refuses to move on from the brick-sized cellphones or beepers, for that matter, that used to dominate 10 years ago. So am I saying that it is a good thing for teenagers to be using their cellphones as relgiously as we are? NO, of course not. Cellphones emit radiation that can damage your tissues in the long run, and the monthly bills can certainly kill you, too! But knowing how to use them for good, not evil, will help in the future.

What was interesting about the half an hour I sat at Ala Moana was the prevalence of cellphones in a mall as massive and diverse as "Hawaii's center". I can go a whole day walking thorugh Ala Moana with a credit card and my ipod and not touch my cellphone once. Maybe I'm just uncommonly curious what each vendor has to sell, but thats just what Ala Moana is suppossed to present you with: choices. A mall is not a business man's office so the cellphone does not have to have such a pronounced presence as it does. Think about what downtown Honolulu must look like with every person on their cellphones! So it was strange to see people walk past me with their cellies in hand while they browsed store windows. Doesn't the presence of such a formidable piece of technology detract from the attractiveness of a display in a distracted shopper's eyes?

So, how to break the habit? I learned a lot about myself from the 30 minutes I sat there looking like a people-watcher (because thats what I was doing). Cellphones, I have determined, are an unavoidable and potentially helpful staple of our culture, but there are things I can do to avoid the perenial checking of "updates". One, I can focus on who I'm with or what I'm suppossed to be doing. Letting my mind waver allows the cellphone to summon me with its siren call. Two, I can try leaving it in my car, or in my backpack when I'm in class, or in a situation where I don't need one. Third, I can make a conscious effort to use it only as a learning tool, not a social facebook tool. People don't have to be attached by the ear to their cellphones, and I want to make sure my children know that in the future so that they won't end up like me. THE END

Good-Bad-Good in 30 Minutes!

This is a comprehensive manual for designing a "Good-Bad-Good" plotline for your family conflicts!

Before we begin, I would like to tell you the plotline (in 30-seconds or less) of a Disney Channel show that I watched over the weekend. A girl lives with their family in a suburban house in San Francisco. Girl has psychic vision, which causes her to make incorrect decisions on an almost daily basis. In this one particular episode, the girl sees herself going on a date with a guy she likes from school, but her vision shows that she must sabatoge the opening of her dads restaurant, so that she can go on the date. Girl sabatoges the restaurant opening day by leaving the refrigerator door open overnight so that all of the food is spoiled. After discovering the ruined food, depressed father goes out to eat with the rest of the family and it just so happens that he sees his daughter with the boy she likes. She confesses, apologizes, and, miraculously, the store opens the next night. Everyone is happy.

Does anyone else see anything wrong with that story? Its disgusting! I always used to wonder why my family had to be different from every Disney Channel family that ever existed. I would watch television, get in trouble, then expect a simple apology to make up for what I had done. Instead, the lectures I've received and the punishments that result are lengthier than any of the half-hour family-based shows out there. So there you have it: the basic plotline for a Good-Bad-Good family moment. As attractive as it seems, television obviously didn't do anything for my perception on the world or family dynamics. I don't know about any of you out there but my family has never been one to move on easily. We go through the whole "I'm sorry" thing like a hundred times, go over all infractions that are remotely related, and, finally, work out a solution. I've been subjected to "discussions" that were 2 hours long! The very idea of discussing what we did wrong is enough to keep me from stepping out of line. Yet, for some reason, we continue to be entertained by family conflicts that build, then erupt, then settle, all in a span of 25 minutes (if you discount the commerical breaks). It wasn't so much the ridiculousness of the shows that pissed me off, it was the fact that my life had to be so different than what was portrayed. I used to question the show, "Is that what happens in mainland families? Is my family just abnormal?" But why DO we watch television shows with plotlines that can be resolved in 5 seconds with such numbness? Is it because scenarios like those represent something that we can never have, but love to fantasize about? For me, it is the building up of the plot that attracts me the most strongly. I can love a show for the first 20 minutes then despise it when the finale comes. I sit numbly because I don't let my upset thoughts interupt my half an hour of thoughtlessness.

What about scenarios where the child and a/both parents clash with the child making a final remark that apparently leaves the adults stunned, before running off? How realistic is that situation? It certainly doesn't happen in my family, I've tried to shout, "Well maybe I wouldn't be like this if you hadn't put so much pressure on me!"--a common "final" remark--before storming off to my room. I've tried it many times, yet my parents always demand that I come back. The worst part is that I listen! No matter what I say they are never stunned to the point of just letting me run off. Their first instinct is to demand I return and "respect" them. Television life is SO not like real life. If I ever see a show/movie where the scenario actually reflects mine, I will be very suprised. How many people want to watch a family fight go on for 2 hours? But still I wonder why my family isn't like those in the tv. Is it because my parents are pretty hardcore with the asian-Christian, discipline/"respect your parents" thing? I haven't really discussed this inconsistency with anyone because I don't want anyone to think my parents are nuts, but it would be interesting to explore further sometime.

One side of me is pleased that my parents have always taken such affirmative action against my disrepectful behavior because I will be better for it sooner or later, but the other side of me wishes that they could cut me some slack for once. If our family was like those in tv shows, I would also learn lessons the first time around (also unrealistic?!) and our family would always be happy by the end of the day. In real life, however, I think I get to appreciate my parents' efforts more when I look back and realize how much effort they put into disciplining me each time they went over my rule-breaking. Their efforts look more exemplary and I can give them more credit, whereas if I always learned my lessons the first time around, the credit would go to me. Ultimately, I guess, its useless to dream about what is unrealistic in my household. Right now, the system we have is all that I've ever known and I'm definitely indebted to my parents for shaping me--whittling me down everytime we clashed and I lost. Am I envious of the "Good-Bad-Good in 30 Minutes" plotline? Of course! But I've just learned to come to terms with its conditions--that it only works in television--and I look at what I have with a new sense of gratitude! Yay! :D

So This is What the End Feels Like

So here I am at the end of my career here at Punahou. Suddenly I find myself full of uncertainty and doubt. "Will I be able to survive and be successful in the "real world" with the academic skills I've accumulated at Punahou? What about my lack of street smarts? Did I get everything I wanted to out of my costly and superior education?" College looms nearer than ever--I just received my housing, food, and orientation forms--and I cannot even begin to percieve what is ahead for me. But what am I suppose to think? I haven't been to a new school in over a decade, I rarely interact with people outside of Punahou (not because I'm stuck up but because I don't have the chance), and I've never been to a public school. All I know of the real world is what I hear from my parents, my public school tennis friends, and what I read. If its hard to understand how slow I am at learning about what things are "really like", consider this: I only found out that people have sex, do drugs, and drink alcohol when I was late in my freshman year. It was so hard for me to understand how people could still be doing all of that when we had so much preparation and warning from grade 4! Remember all of those sex, drugs, and alcohol videos we had to watch? The ones about puberty and how we should "be safe", "abstinence is the best policy", and "don't do drugs"? I always believed that that was enough to keep any kid from experimenting--apparently I was wrong. That is probably just one example of my naivety. Remembering this example, among others, does nothing for my confidence. College is a whole new world from what I've been living in. I'm definitely not worried about the many temptations that are going to try and get into my head, I'm worried about staying focused in school. I used to have a tendency to procrastinate (I think I still do). That, coupled with the fact that college is a huge step up from high school, causes me to worry if I'm ready for college life. I haven't had the opportunity to speak with my parents about college yet and I'm sure the conversation is going to come up sooner or later. Will they discover that I'm not as fit as they thought to live life on my own? Punahou has undoubtedly prepared me for higher levels of academia, but should they be held accountable for helping us adjust to college life? It doesn't seem likely. All they can do is release us to our respective colleges and well-wish us that we chose the most appropriate place to get a start on the rest of our lives. There are self-help books and the advice of our elders to rely on but our succcess relies on ourselves. We are ultimately the change we wish to see in our worlds. We must look at the situation logically and realistically and realize that college will determine, to a certain extent, how successful we are in life. Am I mature enough to realize this now? Will it finally dawn on me how serious the time is when I get there? Who knows what the future holds, but one thing is certain: I have never been one to take new situations in stride. I'm sure you've all witnessed how long it takes for me to transition to new situations. I don't like uncertainty--if I had to design a world to live in, I'd eliminate the anxiety associated with not knowing for sure. This tells me something about myself, right? I'm impatient, slightly type A, and definitely stubborn. Sometimes I think I'm self confident but my actions in tight situations show otherwise. Who am I at this crossroad between success and failure? A Punahou education does not guarantee success in college and success in college is not always indicative of success in life. Who will I become, based on my personality and my character. I ask these questions of myself because I know that I need to get them out in the open. I have to recognize and react to what is ahead on the quickly approaching end of the horizon. Thank you to Punahou, thank you to all who have helped me, thank you God for getting me through all of this, and good luck to myself. Can I conquer what I can't answer? Addressing the problem is the first step to making it work so it can't be too bad that I dedicated a post to confronting myself...

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

Post 4...3 more to go...

This year, I took AP Psychology, hoping to learn about the way we think and stuff. What I didn't realize was how complex and complicated psychology is. Anyway, one topic that really interested me was "Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs". Abraham Maslow was a famous psychologist who studied human motivation in the mid-20th century. One of his most famous theories is his "Hierarchy of Needs", shown above, which places the roots of our motivation in a pyramid arrangement starting with the most pressing on the bottom, to the most important on the top. According to his theory, upper tiers cannot be accomplisted without the fulfillment of the lower requirements. In case the picture is not too clear/does not appear, from the bottom, our needs and source of motivation are: physiological, safety, love/belonging, self esteem, and, finally, self actualization.

So I took a look at the pyramid and tried to identify where I am on my quest for self fulfillment. Unfortunately, I didn't have to look very far in order to i.d. where I stand. Physiological needs are the basic needs of human survival. We cannot go on to protecting our safety if we're starving to death--I have this category down! Haha the next tier is safety needs, referring to security of "body, employment, resources, morality, family, health, property". This category is also pretty solid since all of it can be achieved with the collective interaction between my parents and myself. As for the next tier...this is where I fall...hard! "Love/Belonging" calls for family relationships, friendships, and sexual intimacy. So far, so bad. But I don't expect to have this category down pat. [I think Maslow's pyramid is suppossed to apply to adults or people who have the time/resources to devote their lives to getting deep with their feelings/other people.] I'm 18 and on the threshold of an adult life so it won't be long before the pyramid will start applying for me. As a student, however, I'm not suppossed to be looking for my soulmate just yet, but trying to foster a healthy family environment is very much a priority for anyone. I think my mother knows this well. She has always tried to bring our family together around the dinner table (which is pretty much the only time we have, due to other commitments) where we talk and eat and just let the conversation go where it wants. It is because of her that I think that my family relationships are pretty healthy, and definitely reinforced. As for friendships, I do have friends and we are close, so I guess I've got that squared away.

The part of this category that doesn't work for me is sexual intimacy. "What the hell?" is more precisely what I was thinking when I was trying to see if I fulfilled the category. Yes, its true that people my age are doing "it" already and we haven't been taught at Punahou NOT to do it, so I guess it wouldn't be a shocker if I said I DID do "it" (I haven't, by the way). Should this be an acceptable part of my identity or the quest for self actualization? What part of sex makes it an identifier for a person? How good they are? Haha okay I'm getting uncomfortable now so I'll just stop.

As I looked towards the next step (self esteem), I realized that I do not have a healthy self-esteem. It is hard for me to go through life without insecurities. Who doesn't? A shaky foundation will definitely impair ones ability to move up Maslow's pyramid. I am insecure about lots of things: the shape of my head, the size of my feet, the beauty mark on my inner arm, my nice handwriting, the clothes I'm wearing, my lack of conversational skills, etc. How does one work past all of their fears and become secure with themselves? My mother always used to tell me that, "Other peoples' opinions don't matter--if it works for you than be happy with what you have." Living under your insecurities leads to suppression of who you are and it is freaky to think that invisible worries can affect the physical part of you. Worries are concocted thoughts so why are they so difficult to eliminate? I borderline on paranoia sometimes. I can't stop thinking about what other people are saying to each other about me. I wonder if they're judging me, because I sometimes judge them, or maybe they're starring at me with their preconceived thoughts and biases. Going to school at a mostly caucasian school next year has definitely started to weigh on me. Coming from Punahou where the majority of students are of some color, I don't know what to expect! I haven't been to a different school in 11 years, and certainly never to a school where diversity is measured by shades of white. How will I adjust, being the only asian kids in my dorm? Will I stick with the other asian kids or will I be able to integrate myself with all haoles? I don't want to believe it but, even if I do become friends with caucasian kids, I know I'll be self conscious that I'm the only asian in the group. Hawaii prepares you well for embracing diversity, but it does horribly at preparing us for the mainland where diversity is either "in" (UC Schools, California in general, MIT, etc) or "out" (Colgate<--my school, midwestern schools, schools in the middle of nowhere). So now that I've listed some of my insecurities and examined, to a comfortable extent, one of my future worries, I'm done.

A 5-Step Prgrm 4 U&Me

Blog #3 in a 7-part installment:

My title refers to our recent Senior Chapel, which occurred on Tuesday, May 22, 2007. Being part of the Senior Chapel Committee gave me access to all of the Senior Chapel secrets. After days and (literally) hundreds of hours spent on perfecting our program, we devoted an hour and a half to entertaining the Senior Class in the first of our final days at Punahou. Senior Chapel kicks off the graduation season so it is generally known to be the event which sets the tone for the rest of the festivities to come. When I wasn't on stage performing a skit or singing a song with my peers, I had front row seats from which I monitored each stage that passed. Following along with each group that performed, I was able to get my half an hour of people watching in. Some performances caused an uproar of applause, shouting of names, and "chee-hoo's", while others were relatively uneventful, the performers unknown. This got me to think about what makes a person likeable or what makes them entertaining. Is it the antics that they perform or the charisma that they exude?

According to "http://www.prometheusinstitute.net/opinion/jh92006.htm", there are 5 characteristics common in likeable people.

1) They are positive
2) They control their insecurities
3) They make themselves valuable
4) They eliminate judgments
5) They are people of conviction

In the time I spent people-watching in Senior Chapel, these criteria are true. The most likeable people in the senior class are those who display these characteristics. I think I am a fairly likeable person, but everyone could stand to be more likeable so I want to try the 5 steps out for myself.

However, it is interesting to see how many 5 step processes there are to improving you character, available online. Since when did our personalities become defined by 5 step processes? Nowadays it seems as though anyone who wants to self-help themselves have the resources to do so. Although most "5-step" programs are effective, I find it strange that they are so popular! Liberal ideals would encourage people to think for themselves and to be their own people, yet our culture is so dependent on 5-step processes. Psychologists, doctors of sociology, and just about everyone else can write about likeability now, and many have made a career teaching people about it. Personally, although it is very tempting to fall for every self-help program, I am also conflicted as to whether or not I want to follow the crowd, per se, and become a robot of societal liking, or just be who I am and say "to hell with them" to people who clash with me. Does it show character if I be who I am suppossed to be or does it show weakness/an inability to mold my personality? I always believed that following guidelines would make me into someone that I'm not, and they would severely restrict my lifestyle, which would be comprised of staying in bounds rather than bouncing where I want. Social restraints are tricky bounds to play with. We never know when we're going to get burned. In this particular instance, though, personality is something that never used to be contained. What kind of world are we living in if we can be classified by 5-step programs? One thing is for certain, though. The programs seem to work! While the suggested tips above seem general enough, they really mean "cater to popular society". How do you show yourself to be more positive? In what way does it come out and make itself apparent to people around you? The way one goes about making themselves likeable is by following expectations--acting in your specified gender, social position, etc.,--while still maintaining the criteria of the program. With all the restrictions that are put up by these things, it is no wonder that our lives are so stressful. [more later?!]

Inversion of the Heart

Post no.2!

This post has been a long time in the making. I started writing it on the 16th of May, saved it as a draft, and haven't come back to it till today. Recently, with all the hype about graduation and "starting a new chapter in our lives", I have been thinking back to who I am and what I want/wanted with my life. When I was an early teen, I thought I knew what I wanted with my life. Everything was absolute and, despite what my parents said about flexibility, I became more and more polarized towards my desires and goals. There were times when I had the opportunity to embark on new experiences but shut them down because I wasn't comfortable testing the water (cliche, I know). I'm 18 (!) now and about to graduate high school. Guardians in our lives tell us to "live without regret", meaning they want us to take advantage of opportunities that we have now so that we don't look back and wish that things were different. I never listened to any of their opinions and, true to what they said, I regret key decisions that I made. Anyway, as my life went along and I got along in years, I began to develop my identity (which is still in the making, by the way)and carve my preferences out from the ball of clay that I was born as. The kind of regret I'm about to talk about is different from the passing regret that we often feel when we wish something went differently. This blog is only about my most painful regrets and it transcends the shallowness of "Oh, too bad I didn't get to buy a soda at the snackbar" regret.

Thinking back, I would like to share some of the biggest regrets that I've had in my short, but opportune, life.

1. Voice lessons: Just the other day I was singing in the car, humming where I didn't know the words to a song playing on the radio. After three songs of off-key, yet spirited wailing, I said aloud to my mother, "Mom, I wish I had taken voice lessons." She gave me a sidewards motherly glance and she didn't have to speak in order for me to understand what she was thinking. You see, we had had this conversation many times before, especially over the past year with Variety Show and Senior Sing going on. It always went along the lines of her reminding me how she had suggested I take voice lessons--and how I refused time after time. She had a very complete argument against my refusals, but I still fought and got my way. I was stubborn and obstinate in my decision to stick with "tennis, school, and community service" so she eventually gave up. Everytime she gives me a sidewards glance like that I feel how exhausted she is, telling me that I should have listened to her and blah, blah, blah. I'm tired of it, too. Taking voice lessons became more important for me because high school praises people with talent. Life in general commends people with talent because they appreciate hard work. Other than playing tennis, which no one cares about (although they should!!!), I don't really have a show-caseable talent. When you are young, your perspective is shaped largely by your environment. When all of your guy friends believe that singing lessons are "for girls", you have no choice but to say no to your mother's invitation without giving it a try--saving face is the most important priority in middle school. The people I've met through various committees I've been on can sing/dance/act. I love music and God knows how often I sing out of tune to the songs on my ipod. I like to think that I can sing in tune but I know that the sound resonating in your head is way different than the sound that is projected on other people. Regret, regret, regrt...not taking voice lessons is my biggest regret. My mother ended up having the last laugh, as you can see, but it is a bittersweet laugh because she knows that a part of my developed identity will always be off key.

2. Volleyball: Waaaay back when I was 6-7 years old, I started playing sports. When I play sports, I'm referring to karate, soccer, and baseball--sometimes all at the same time! As a kid, you think you're so bogged down with stuff and you pity yourself, arguing that you won't be able to do your homework if you commit to one more extracurricular. Of course, as I think about my whining and how it got me my way time after time, I get upset at my parents for letting it get that far but I get angry at myself for stooping to those levels. And for what? Regret a decade later! Okay, so as the story goes, I never really gave volleyball much thought when I was younger but, as of two years ago, I began to regret not taking it up when the opportunity presented itself. People who don't know me well first comment on my height, then ask me if I play basketball/volleyball. As of right now, I have no regrets with basketball but, as for volleyball, I wish I could answer "yes" to their questions. I have been given the height that many asian kids can only dream of. My parents were ready to support any endeavor that I wished to embark on. I work hard at tennis because I want to be the best, so I know that my passion would have been there. Volleyball is not unlike tennis with its high-speed play, strategy (hit the ball where the people on the other side of the net can't hit it), and requirements (touch, physical height, predictive ability, and quick switches to defense/offense). I plan to play intramural/club level in college, yet I can't help thinking what would have, could have happened if I had only tried. Who knows? I might have actually hated volleyball but at least I'd know that it would never have worked out. The uncertainty that I feel towards volleyball right now is emotionally trying so I regret not giving it a chance. Maybe its just the notoriety that I crave (since tennis obviously doesn't exactly get you front page in the newspaper), or maybe the exhilaration that I see in the eyes of those on the varsity volleyball team--regardless, I find the sport appealing and hard for me to let go.

3. Spirituality: I was first introduced to Christianity when I was born! Haha its true! My mother is definitely a Christian and my whole family has sort of been taken up with her in her beliefs and convictions. However, I have never been able to truly be proud of my Christian upbringing. I used to blame my conservative upbringing for my shortcomings, my naivety, and my social retardedness. There is no doubt that Punahou is a pretty liberal environment to send your child to. Everyone at school seems to be democratic and morality or "living with principle" seems to be second to the social scene. I never really got used to this idea so I was constantly conflicted with what I saw and what I believed. Now that I'm 18, legally an adult, etc., etc., etc., andI have the opportunity to make decisions for myself--some that will possibly affect the rest of my life--I am grateful that I have principles which guide my life. The only way to live is with something to belive in and I know Christianity/conservative views is one way to stay out of trouble, direct my focus, and value what I have. Religion is a really deep topic and I'd like to limit my blogpost to a couple paragraphs so I'm not going to go into extensive detail but I do know that it provides something for me to believe in when all else fails. God is a supreme being who doesn't have a form. His grace and portrayed invincibility transcends my Earthly troubles and I think this is convenient because it gives us someone to look up to, yet never understand. The thing is, I don't really understand Christianity and my heart hasn't been fused with the passion that leads one to devote their lives or make it their guiding principle. You could say that I am a "convenient Christian". I go to it when I need it and omit it when it interferes with what I want. How can that be a good way to live? I'm crazy, I know, and there is no such thing as a convenient Christian. So what do I regret? I regret living between beliefs and not feeling bad about it. If only I had listened to my mother and father like all good kids do...then I wouldn't be in this predicament, faced with the uncertainty of misplaced beliefs and the prospect that when I need Him most, He won't be there.

In conclusion, as I venture out to new bends in the road of my life, I walk away with knowledge on how to make my life better. I have discovered that regretting can lead to two emotions in a person: depression OR fire. I'm the kind of person who wants to live with the latter and use it to make my present and future life better. Fire will push me to make up for lost opportunity and take advantage of scenarios as they come. Regret has changed my identity and I can feel myself evolving from someone who hides from chance to someone who wants more to live and die by it. My regret has turned to passion, and the fruit it bears will be sweeter than that from the tree of mediocrity that I have so far achieved. "Live Your Life" is my new motto and I hope to live everyday but its textbook definition. I wish for all of you that you will live your lives and become people without regret. In my eyes, its never too late to change.

So This Was A Stretch

Hey everyone this is the first of 7(!) consecutive blogs that I plan to post this week! Last weekend, I had an opportunity to attend a YuGiOh card tournament, held in a random card store on the corner of University and King Street. You see, one of my brother's friends is a hardcore Yu Gi Oh card player, and he invited Robin (my brother) to watch him "duel it out". Robin and I had no idea what was in store for us, but we knew enough about card tournaments to understand what was at stake. Apparently, the tournament we were invited to watch was a huge championship tournament in which the only players allowed to enter were those who had won a tournament in the past rolling year's time. The winner of such a prestigious tournament was awarded a box of unopened cards, their pick of 2 rare metallic cards, and a $100 gift certificate to the store. Entry fees weren't too high--about $15 per player, but the tournament was single-elimination, which meant you'd be going home if you lost your first match.

We met my brother's friend outside the store at 9 AM. He--lets call him Alvin--told us that we would have to watch from a distance because the players didn't like it when bystanders got in their line of focus. After his words of advice, we stepped into the store. The scene that befell me was bizarre and scary. There was a wide range of participants--from young kids to middle aged men. Some were dressed in costumes, others looked homeless, and the majority of the people wore glasses. "Nerds!" I thought to myself when I saw the damage. Rows of tables were set up across the length of the room, seated around them were the very people I never thought I'd hang out with. To interrupt this post, here is some background information. I'm not a very tolerant person when it comes to obsessive video gaming, intense anime card playing, or costume wearing. I find myself cringing when I pass students at school who are locked in heated computer game battles or GameBoy DS Lite multiplayer orgies. Being contained in the small space of the card collectors store with two dozen people who I vowed never to interact with was traumatizing! When I entered, they had looked at me with suspicion and I suppose I gave them the same glare back, but when the tournament official stood on a chair and announced the rules of the game, all eyes fell on him, diverted from awkward 'ole me. After explaining the rules of the games, there was thunderous applause and the matches began.
I'm an athlete so I was disappointed that the card game involved a lot of thinking and motionlessness. The battle I kept my eye on was between a teenager around my age (18) and a guy who looked like he was about 30. It may seem like I'm exaggerating this story for entertainment purposes but I'm not--the older guy literally had a unibrow! As I sized him up, I noticed that he was wearing faded blue jeans that were two inches too high above his ankle. His tshirt was a faded black color with some kind of creature on it. At one point, he was stuck in indecision for five straight minutes. He rocked back and forth in his chair, his eyes were locked on the cards, and every so often he would indicate at the cards with his fingers, muttering to himself under his breath. It was unbelievable to watch these people play Yu Gi Oh--they were so fierce, yet so "zen"! Ten minutes later, he was victorious and, as the two compeditors shook hands, the watching crowd clapped their hands. I wondered to myself, "Why is it that we judge these people for what they enjoy doing?" I didn't address the answer until I had left the store.
On the way home, I pondered the question and finally came up with an answer. Most of us are too lazy to try and discover for ourselves what these people are like. Although most of them are people you might be able to pick out of a crowd and label as "nerds", I was surprised that a good number of people looked perfectly "normal". In fact, I felt that the people in the store were a lot less judgemental than the people I hang out with on a daily basis. They applauded each other after victories and patted each other on the back when they lost, which is totally unlike most "manly" sports like football and wrestling. Even tennis is guilty of errupting i the occasional on-court skirmish. Each and every match went about with the most dignity I have ever seen. Although the competition was fierce and some battles were furious, they never forgot that it was "just a game" at the end of the day. I don't remember who won the tournament, and it isn't really important but, what I will remember is the gamesmanship that the players showed. My initial looks of disgust turned to looks of understanding by the time I left--I was captured by the good feelings being exchanged. Its strange how we don't want to take the time to connect with these kinds of people. Although some of them may look suicidal, and most can intimidate with their extensive knowledge of PSPs, they are still people in the end, and its not our place to judge their preferences for clothing, leisurely activities, or outward appearance. What I felt at the end of my pondering was a neat new feeling that, no matter what you look like, in compeditive situations, the best player wins and stigmatizing won't get you an advantage! Competition makes humans out of all of us.

What is a MAN?

Who looks like a REAL MAN? Decide for yourself...


Rafael Nadal/Tennis Player


The Rock/Tough Guy Heroes


Nerdy Chubby Guy


Paraplegics


Fall Out Boy/Bands


Guys who get waxes/40-year-old virgins

...and the list could go on...

If Nobody Cried

This blogpost is about Murderball, Never Let Me Go, and the Perks of Being A Wallflower. One theme that is reoccurring among the three cases of Identity is masculinity. What defines masculinity? What are the expectations of males in our society? Why do we adhere so strongly to our social constraints? I hope to examine this theme and, by the end of the post, integrate an example pertaining to my own life.


“Murderball” was the most obvious example of our culture’s obsession with masculinity. Following two paraplegic rugby teams, the movie strove to bring us to realize what it means to be physically disabled, trying to survive in our society. What the movie did for me was more than just show how grateful I should be to have a full, working body, or how paralegals try to do normal activities--it really put a mirror in front of my face and made me look at myself and how I fit into society. Each murderball player had distinct personalities and pervading feelings but what I noticed in each man was, despite their ruthlessness on the court, they had each learned a lesson in life, whether it was related to their accident or not. All of them had kindness in common and I admire their ability to go out of their door each day and face the world with a brave face. We are prejudiced against people who are different from us, and most of us see disabilities with a, “Sucks to be you,” attitude. What we don’t realize is that these people are just as, or, stronger mentally because they’ve had to fight both the public’s eye and their own depression. The men of the movie, Murderball, were undoubtedly athletically superior--I’m not even sure how many “normal” people would be willing to play that kind of game. One point that the movie effectively conveyed is the reaction of others to a person who is in a wheelchair. They automatically assume that the disabled person cannot do things for themselves and immediately offer help. For grown men who had always relied on themselves, this kind of treatment is degrading and can make one feel as though they have been robbed of their masculinity. As we watched the movie I thought to myself, “Do they play murderball because they feel empowered, as if they earned their masculinity back?” It is easy to see why we would equate athletic superiority with manliness. The media does nothing but praise the next up-and-coming Carmelo Anthony or LeBron James, showering them with attention, glorifying their every move. Part of the motivation of playing sports for many young people is because they want to be like the idols they see on T.V., in the newspaper, or on the radio. Money is equated with athletic superiority and who wouldn’t want more of that?! Here is my dorky equation for how our culture fits sports with masculinity:
Athletic superiority => fame/money/sturdiness/machoness/”balls” => manliness

The biggest question is whether or not living by the expectations of others is a healthy outlook on life. Should we live purely on what others define as “right” for our gender? Why can’t there be other ways of expressing manliness besides sports, bench pressing, or violence? Guys who are superior in poetry, for example, will never be considered “sexy” because what they don’t fit into our schemas of toughness or stalwart resilience. Although tennis players are some of the highest paid athletes in the world, they don’t receive nearly the same attention that baseball players do. Baseball is a lot slower, yet it survives as the “American Sport” and is a more notable example of masculinity. Somewhere in between tennis and football there is a line at which we separate the sports we see as masculine and those we do not. When you think about it, sports contain all the elements of “manliness” that our culture so embraces. Football is a popular sport because it requires inner desire and a fanatical lust for competition. For some reason we like to see super buff guys go at each other, disregarding entirely the imminent injuries and ailments that they will suffer from when they reach 40 years old. So is the American dream to play professionally, earn millions of dollars, fame, recognition, notoriety, and then wind up stuck in a bed or in a third triple bypass by the time you’re fifty? Obviously. There seems to be no set limit to the price we are willing to pay to prove that we are manly. The patterns seen in young boys indicate that there is a great peer influence that causes us to give in to dares, or act out of ourselves. You don’t have to be engorged by the spotlight to feel the pressure, either. Guys are just expected to act a certain way, regardless of where they come from or how they truly want to act. I have no idea where it happened but, somewhere in history, we became creatures of expectations and inflexible viewpoints.

Haha this is totally irrelevant but whenever I hear Justin Timberlake say hes “bringing sexy back,” and then I think about what our culture defines as “sexy”, I can’t help but wonder what it is hes bringing back. Is he making poetry writing the new sexy occupation? Is he eliminating the excessive use of bling? Is he bringing styles of the 50’s back? I doubt all of the above…what I think he means is that he is “redefining sexy”! Yeah, totally random.

Back to the post. “Never Let Me Go” was a fun book and, just like “Perks”, it featured a very excitable little boy who was shunned by his peers because he threw tantrums and cried. Why is crying a sign of weakness? Showing emotions are what make us human beings, so since when is it okay to suppress our natural tendencies? Another interesting quote that I heard came from the movie “Something/Raising-Caleb” (I forget the title) right after the high school football team lost its final game of the season. The guys were crying and hugging each other—being all-out “wimps”, as our culture might say. The narrator questioned our acceptance of displays of affection: “Why is it that our culture makes it alright for only the toughest of guys to show emotion”--or something to that extent. That is, essentially, the message that we get as young kids—that we are not allowed to cry or make a fuss of anything unless we have already secured our claim to manliness. Tommy (from NLMG) was a very sensitive character who lived life, in essence, looking at things through different lenses than anybody else. He questioned norms, spoke up for what he believed in, and never stopped being himself. Why can’t we all be like Tommy nowadays? First of all, the kinds of people most supported by our culture are those who are tough, humorous, and never cry. We base ourselves off of what we see—boys like Tommy never make front page, or even the newspaper for that matter.

“Perks of Being A Wallflower” is an awesome book! Charlie is definitely an unconventional sort of guy. Because he is only a freshman in high school he seems to be in the middle of knowing and not knowing. As a junior schooler, you are oblivious to high school life, while as a senior, you own the campus and know everything. The point at which we come into Charlie’s life is during a period of revelation for him—he begins to learn about girls, guys, sex, drugs, and, most importantly, the social scene in high school. Charlie is unpopular and the sensitive type of kid mentioned earlier in this post. At first glance, one has to wonder how he has survived so long. His love of literature, penchant for writing, naivety, and his choice of friends befuddle even the most knowing social psychologists. Who is this kid? At first, I thought Charlie was a little girl with a boys name—how could anyone be so oblivious to the “way things work”? After awhile, though, I began to see Charlie as a character worth admiring. He is so honest with himself and with the readers that I couldn’t help wishing I was as carefree.


I know exactly what Charlie feels like because I was once a new student and it took me forever to understand what it meant to be a boy/young man at our school. When I first came to Punahou School in 1996, I was definitely “behind” in the fads and overall social scene. Having come from a small private school with one first grade class, Punahou’s 8-class second grade was huge to me. I used to wear Gap collared shirts, or my favorite red Pokemon shirt to school, never thinking about what other kids thought. However, as time went on, it seemed inevitable that I would have to confront the stares and whispering sooner or later. I ditched the prep style/cartoon style and went all out with Quiksilver—there was a time when I refused to buy any brand but Quiksilver! Kids at school would have Gyro rings or Gameboys, chat about the latest PG-13 movies, and show off their glowing collections of Pogs then Pokemon cards then Yu Gi Oh cards. I was a complete dork through all of this. I would try and start a collection of cards then lose interest. I would beg my parents to buy me the latest technology, or take me to see “Scary Movie” to no avail. I blamed them for keeping me in the dark about the wonders of fads but I realize now that it was for my own good. Being trendy isn’t always the best way to go and I struggled with this realization for a looooong time. There is also no denying it--schools definitely are the breeding ground for our social roles and peer pressure. Of course I felt/feel the pressure to be rough and tough but I realized that people can see right through you so it is useless to pretend. Of course you have to wonder whether or not the teasing is worth staying true to yourself. Perhaps it is better to act than to not make any attempt at all. Embracing who you are is what will make you the most happy in the long run and the feeling of self-actualization that you get when you are free from peer pressure is indescribable. Getting to high school and discovering that drugs actually happen at Punahou was so traumatic for me. I always assumed that, because we receive so much warning and information on what drugs/alcohol can do to you that no one would do it. As a freshman I was still trying (and failing) to be trendy. One of my shortcomings was my naivety. Just like Charlie (!), I was out of it and did not have experience in understanding lingo or suggestive talk. If there were parties in freshman year I never heard about them, if someone was flirting with me (highly doubt) then I probably turned them off, if there was any kind of rebellious group I did not recognize it. As high school progressed, I learned more and more and became less and less of a “virgin” to information. I was always so conservative—and still am—so it is/was hard for me to blend in. If society is always going to demand that I bend my values and compromise my character then I hardly think it is worth the trouble. The same goes for masculinity. Why do we show preference for one kind of man? If people’s outward portrayals replaced genes in indicating who would survive (i.e. Natural Selection), and a plague wiping all of our “manly-men” out came along, then who would be left? When we strive to transform our entire man population to copycats of the brusque, brawny “ideal” that we emphasize so strongly, we cannot expect much in the area of choice. Manly men may be on the market now but, if times change, it will be interesting to see who assumes the throne.

"I Feel Infinite"

Inappropriate Quote

this is from Murderball...its stuck in my head so im sharing it w.you now.



"We're not going for a hug. We're going for a f**king gold medal." --Zupan

As soon as I heard the quote I knew that I had to share it with the world. What Zupan said shows how much intensity the players have for the sport, but it also has an undertone of masculinity in it. Just saying.