Dashboard: 2009

13.8.09

Reid

It might sound lame, but having another guy in my class named "Reid" was one of the best experiences I've ever had. Throughout my entire grade school life, I was the only one with the name "Reid" in my class of 450 students. At Colgate, I was the only "Reid" in a class of 700. All this time, I've been living in a world where I felt different in the way that only people named "Shaniqua" or "Apple" or "Bronx Mowgli" would understand. My name was so rare that I started thinking that I would never meet another "Reid." Then I took ENG200. By some random cosmic event, Reid Nakagawa was forced to take the class as a prereq for pharmacy school, and my world changed. Suddenly, I couldn't take for granted that, when the professor called out, "Reid," she was referring to me. The first time I called out, "Reid," to get Reid N's attention, I had this weird feeling that I'm sure only crazy people who talk to themselves, feel. When Jill gave us the research presentation grading sheets, I got confused--I thought she had me presenting on Friday and Monday. Every time I went online to check what discussion board prompts I didn't answer, I had to look closely to see that I was looking at "Reid Kiyabu's" posts, instead of "Reid Nakagawa's" posts. Even as the weeks passed, I never fully got used to sharing my name with someone else. You know how teachers often remark that, "there are three so-and-so's in this class?" I was shocked when Jill said that there were 2 Reids in our class. It was almost as if I was no longer special! The good thing about the situation was that Reid N was one less person whose name I would have to remember. Also, I'm glad he wasn't dumb, because that would cast some disgrace on the name "Reid."

[A side note for Reid Nakagawa, should he read this: I'm sorry if I embarrassed you or caused you any psychological harm by posting this. You really are a good representative of the name.]

Hurricane Felicia

[That is a darn scary picture.]

Kelsey Chang is the person who first told me about Hurricane Felicia. She texted me that Felicia was coming and the first thing I said was, "That b*tch!" I just really needed to tell someone that.

Ten minutes ago, my mother told me that I have to drag my dad (they don't live in the same house) to Costco or some other "Mom-and-Pop-corner-store-killer" to get ready for that damn hurricane. I tried to tell her that it is going to be a gust of wind by the time it passes by Oahu, but ever since the Indonesian tsunami she's been meaning to move to Wailae Iki or Hawaii Loa or some ridge and she is very paranoid about Mother Earth.

Over the weekend I saw "(500) Days of Summer"...twice--once with Kelsey Chang and some other friends, and once with my mother. I learned that Vampire + Giant = Vagiant. The best part of the movie was when the main character, Tom, was going to Summer's rooftop garden party and screen split in half to show how his "expectations" matched up with "reality." The song that was playing during the scene was "Us" by Regina Spektor. Go download the song ASAP...biotches.

What kind of last name is "Khil"? The guy looks Japanese, but he clearly isn't...unless Khil is Japanese, which I doubt. Everyone calls him "Ross," as in David Schwimmer's character on "Friends," because he supposedly sounds/acts/looks/has the same mannerisms. Kelsey told me this.

I almost completely emptied out my bank account this summer. As soon as my friends came home I had an overwhelming urge to shop, so I made excuses to go to Ala Moana after school, on weekends, half an hour before closing, after the beach, after playing tennis, for dinner, while waiting for the mechanics to change my car's battery, after depositing my paycheck, etc. Kelsey Chang said I stole her, "shopping mojo."

So yeah, I feel like I've abused CompClass this summer. At first I felt bad and wrote a disclaimer about the offensive material within my post, but then I stopped altogether and took the liberty of writing whatever came to mind, even when I felt like swearing or being sarcastic. I took the whole thing so seriously that my writing got bad grammar and I started referring to Paris Hilton's crotch (ewwww). I suppose this never would have happened if the discussion boards were censored for language and content. Also, here is a last minute warning: Don't read my "Turpis radcliffe" post unless you are okay with the word, "penis." On a side note, read Kelsey's animal post.

The worst feeling in the world is when you are dead. EMO!
Actually, the worst feeling is when you realize that you and someone you like aren't meant to be together...

Before you read this one, go watch the movie trailer for the new Oprah creation called, "Precious." No joke, the movie looks like it is going to be about a ginormous 16-year-old African American girl who gets beaten by her mother and is preganant with her second kid. I think Mary J. Blige is singing the song in the background, and it is perfeclty paired with the scenes. Something about the movie makes me think it is going to win a lot of awards, come award season. Forget what you know about the "ghetto" because this movie looks more real than all of those rapper videos. Also, I know you're going to say that I am probably going to go to hell after you read this, but, when some neighborhood kids pushed her over into a pile of leaves, I LOL-ed. When my 16 year old brother saw the trailer he didn't think it was for a legit movie. There is a girl in his grade with the same name, except she has a "z" instead of the last "s." Preciouzzzzz

My new favorite saying is, "I does tree things, I hang with the broez." A sloth up on "Pillboxes" hike said it to me. Kelsey was on the hike with me.

Also, I would really like to radically revise this post into a children's book.

Boxers versus Briefs

I kept waiting and waiting for someone to bring this up for either the discussion board posts, or on the open forum, but obviously no one else is brave enough to start this thread.

I don’t know what incites mothers to start their baby boys off with briefs, but I feel like that is how it always works out. Maybe it is because babies start off wearing diapers, so the next level up is diapers that you can’t poop in, a.k.a. briefs (same fit, different concept). Anyway, I don’t know what the rest of you remember, but back in middle school, it suddenly became cool to wear boxers. To give you a reference point, remember back in middleish school when pants that could barely hang on to your ass were popular? Now that I look back, the whole point of that “look” was to show off your cool boxers! I mean, you would look pretty reidiculous if you had baggy pants and..oops! briefs showing when your shirt rode up. If you wanted to buy oversized shorts/jeans, you had to have boxers to “cover your assets.” My mom always used to say that boxers were for “old men,” but that obviously didn’t deter me from wanting to be popular, so I kept bugging her until I finally gave up and bought American Eagle boxers with my own money. Boxers are a unique form of self-expression. There are so many designs to choose from! The way I see it, there are three kinds of boxer prints. #1: The “naked lady silhouette” prints. There is nothing more self-satisfying for a pre-pubescent kid, than knowing that his “downstairs” is being protected by ladies in phallic poses. #2: Totally pointless prints. Holiday themed prints (say NO to Saint Patrick ’s Day clovers/leprechauns), beer logos and sports logos prints are so juvenile! They can only be worn once a year, unless you aren’t afraid to look like a dork. #3: Classy plaids and stripes. I think my mom was thinking of plaid when she said that boxers are for "old men." Idk I always thought plaids/stripes were the best prints. When you think about it, it is funny how we start off wearing diapers as babies before we transition to briefs, then boxers/boxerbriefs, etc. until we are old and cannot control our bowel movements and have to start wearing diapers again!

Nowadays, the argument is more like, "Which do you prefer: boxers, tighty whities, boxerbriefs, low cut briefs, colorful briefs...(and, for non-traditional crowds) bikini cut, thongs for men, "free bird," etc. etc. etc." (Let's just say I'm not the adventurous type.) Sorry if any one out there likes them white, but if you're gonna wear white briefs, remember how many characters, fictional or not, who have been mega-wedgied and left to hang on fenceposts or door knobs. Maybe I'm being delusional, but it seems like it is more acceptable for guys to wear whatever. Someone started making boardshorts shorter so maybe boxers will be next.

7.8.09

"Grandma Death and the Mandatory Retiring Age"

This is an unpublished article I thought I'd share with you all. I consider it to be one of my harshest works to date. Dedicated to the kids in Darby's writing class. Without further ado...

"Grandma Death and the Mandatory Retiring Age"

Apart from the obvious symptoms of sagging arms, diminished hair quantities and wrinkly, blotchy skin, common stereotypical belief states that the older you get, the wiser you become. I commend old people who accept themselves for who they are becoming, and I believe that they, perhaps, are wiser than most. However, I also believe that there is a certain point after which the ancient ought to retire to Florida, embark on world travels or take up knitting and cease to impose their démodé collection of facts on the world, especially in university circles where the strength of a teacher’s knowledge and utilization of current events, trends and popular culture plays a vital role in student development.

Ratemyprofessors.com has proven to be one of the most useful, legendary websites for high school and college students in recent years. When I first entered high school all of five years ago, I looked to ratemyprofessors.com for the lowdown on the whose-who of the classes I was about to enroll in. To my dismay, my aged homeroom-teacher-turned-biology-professor had very bad reviews. Derogatory comments on her curriculum, teaching style and flexibility of schedule painted a depressing picture of the woman, who I immediately sympathized with. “She couldn’t be that bad,” I reasoned, “After all, she has wisdom on her side.” The first day of class proved otherwise. First of all, she looked like she had just crawled out of a crypt. Appearances aside, her lecture was not only boring, but also extremely outdated. The slides she popped up on a wheezing projector seemed to be as old as she was, and her obvious lack of technology manifested itself in the chalkboard she wrote class notes on that, coupled with her gingham dress, screeched “Little House on the Prairie” in every scripted cursive letter she wrote. Needless to say, I got out of there as soon as possible—nothing in this world can subject me to archaic presentation methods and antiquated knowledge of chromosomes and Cnidaria.
spongebob is riding a cnidaria
Experiences like mine not only validate the importance and accuracy of ratemyprofessor.com, they also make you wonder about the possibility that a teacher competency test is in order for school systems.

First of all, lets clarify one thing: wisdom does not necessarily come to smart people, and even the wisest of people may not be smart—it is important to keep both terms separate. Wisdom, to me, implies street smarts, expertise of right versus wrong and general enlightenment on the ways of the world. Smart people have mastery of facts, quick thinking and superior intelligence on their side. My high school professor may have been a genius back in her 1940-something-days, but the twenty-first century demands continual upgrading of “product knowledge”. Those, whose synapses have stopped firing, should stop renewing their license to teach. Chatting casually to “Grandma Death” was like exploring the timeline of a life totally worth living. She had experienced every imaginable atrocity and could recite “morals of the story” faster than Aesop could spin his famous concluding remarks, but questions of discrepancies between her lectures and the book readings was like banging your head against a choleric, nappy wall that constantly smelled like cats and dandruff shampoo. My frustration throughout the semester was unaided by the school administration, which had deemed her a “living fossil” (when is that ever a good thing?), and intended on giving her an exclusive 45+ years of service award the next month. My private high school refused to gently nudge, much less push, the woman out the door even though she had accumulated more complaints than years she had been alive.

thats grandma death (aka ashley tisdale)
Since I’ve gotten to Colgate, ratemyprofessor.com has probably been hit up more times than Facebook.com. Okay, that’s an exaggeration but in college, the importance of having the right professor to fit my learning style has been vital. Students are about as attuned to a professor’s teaching competence as the professor is to their procrastination, and violations of this understanding are cause for the catacombs of Ratemyprofessor to light up with grievances. Some of my friends have used me as their sounding board to gripe about certain senile professors who resemble my very own “Grandma Death” and, while I enjoy a good laugh or two every time this happens, a part of me sighs with disbelief. Teaching professionals who refuse to get with the times should get a new job because primordial methods, coupled with an inability to employ flexible thinking processes is a recipe for a distasteful student-instructor relationship. To expand our minds, our professors themselves need to be capable of expansion and while many do upgrade their wiring, those that don’t have no reason to change anytime soon. It’s a vicious cycle that ultimately ends in wasted tuition money and time spent listening to an old person drone—or cackle—from a decade reminiscent of our country’s founding.

The two things students from around the world have in common is that they are destined to take standardized tests to estimate academic proficiency, and must deal with frustrating teacher situations at some point in their careers. I think I speak for the whole of the student population by saying that standardized tests were a bummer. Not to be vengeful, but I think schools should implement some kind of teacher evaluation process to combat the anti-retirement attitudes of a rapidly aging baby boomer population. There is nothing wrong with living off a 401K plan and I’ve recently begun to consider it noteworthy, but something about certain geriatric teachers directs them to teach till the grave. Why not lay down a borderline age, after which the taking of yearly evaluations becomes mandatory? If we want to improve our school systems and provide optimal levels of equal opportunities for all involved, new faces must be cycled in and the incompetent, old-fashioned-old be booted out.

Even though I love my grandma very much and am willing to listen to her recitation of life lessons all day, I would never request that she start teaching academic subjects. There is little reason to question the wisdom of our elders, but the lack of questioning of decrepit teachers’ usefulness is alarming at the very least. They deserve respect for what they have accomplished, but disgrace mounts quickly when a student says, “I am doing the world a public service in informing you that Mrs. D- is a bad teacher, stay far, far, FAR away from her.” Let’s make the retirement years of our old people the best years of their lives by pushing them out the gate before criticism goes this far.

Colgate Maroon-News

10 People I'd like to Punch/B*tch Slap in the Face

Top 10 People I Would Like to Punch in the Face (or at least b*tch slap):

10. Amy Winehouse – It’s not her voice that’s irritating, it is the image she presents of herself. Murder that beehive, get a stylist/makeup artist, use Invisalign, take a bath and lay off the drugs and alcohol! I’m so tired of hearing about her latest breakdown that I just feel like giving that girl a good slap across the face. Wake up!

09. Mike Myers – Austin Powers is an icon and Shrek was downright hilarious, but when is he going to stop acting like “Simple Jack”? Even when he is photographed out of character, he looks like he’s up to no good. Time to wipe that smug grin off his face!

08. Miley Cyrus – Give me a, “Hells yes!” if you’ve seen/heard enough about her. Ever since Disney dubbed her the “teen queen,” she has gone too far. She’s everywhere! Last night I saw a commercial for her new Max Azria clothing line at Walmart. I think it is time her 15 minutes were over. Someone needs to make her shut up because she’s not pretty and her voice is terrible. B*tch slapping time.

07. Rosie O’Donnell – I sincerely believe this woman needs to be punched in the face, preferably by one of the other ladies from the View. Now that would be good television!

06. Octomom – Now, I know it seems cruel to punch a lady who has 14 dependents and no income, on the face, but she really deserves it. I don’t care what anyone says about her exercising her right to have kids, purposely having that many babies at one time is so wrong. There is no way they are all going to get the love and attention, much less the camera time they deserve. It also seems unfair that she’s making money off of all of this. Boo to you, too Dr. Phil!

05. Donald Trump – If you only know DT from The Apprentice, you haven’t gotten the full flavor of who he is. The man is so cocky about how pseudo-rich and real estate savvy he is. The hairstyle—ugh! That’s the worst. If I can’t punch him in the face, can I at least shave his head and get him fitted for a toupee that fits?

04. Stupid Girls: Paris Hilton/Lindsay Lohan/Mischa Barton – Basically, they ruined their careers by getting drunk, going to rehab, learning absolutely nothing there and getting passed around by D-list celebs. I’m sick of these hos!

03. Tom Cruise – This man is by far the most condescending, self-centered, fake, pompous bastard that I’ve ever heard of. The jumping on the couch incident was so ridiculous. If he’s not a case of Napoleon complex, then I don’t know who is.

02. Vanessa Hudgens – I detest High School Musical. The first movie wasn’t so bad, but the fact that the media started labeling them the next generation of A-list celebrities was so outrageous. Vanessa is particularly annoying to me because of the whole “naked pictures” thing. She’s not even that hot, she can’t act and her voice is too weak for her to ever be a superstar. On top of it all, she’s dumb. I don’t care who you think is the dumbest celeb because this girl beats them all! I just wish she would calm the F down and stop milking her HSM success.

01. Jack Black – I liked “Shallow Hal” and “School of Rock,” but “Year One” and “Nacho Libre” were so stupid! The guy seriously needs to lose weight before he ends up like John Candy. If I have to watch him dance around in his underwear one more time, I’m gonna die. The only thing about punching him in the face is that I’m not sure if he’ll take it seriously…when does he ever take anything seriously?? So annoying.

Fugly Dicknosehausen

Before I wrote this posting, I went on Google and typed in “ugliest animals.” There are a lot of animals I think are super ugly—chimpanzees, hagfish, blobfish and Carrot Top—but the two I chose are the “star-nosed mole” and the “proboscis monkey.” These two take top honors because the first looks like something that got run over, decapitated and might grope you in the dark, while the second one has a penis-shaped nose and flaming red hair. SO not hot. The third animal I added in was the “Hawaiian bobtail squid,” because I did a report on it for a zoology class I took, I think it’s cute and it would make my imaginary beast look more outrageous (and kind of gives it a super power).

The scientific name of the species is “Turpis radcliffe” in honor of Daniel Radcliffe, who tops my, “people who used to be adorable, but are now ugly,” list. Turpis means "ugly" in latin. The common name of the animal is “Fugly Dicknosehausen.” Fugly Dicknosehausen was exclusively found in the tiny fictional country called, Yourbooty, formerly known as Djibouti. In recent years, however, tourists have managed to sneak Fugly Dicknosehausen into the U.S. by claiming that Angelina Jolie decided to adopt again. When they realize how ugly and creepy it is, people have resorted to dumping them at RV camps, where they make their way to portable potties, gas station bathrooms and Paris Hilton’s crotch.

Fugly Dicknosehausen likes to eat Pokemon—but only the cutest ones—so an underground black market dealing Charmanders, Squirttles and Pikachus has emerged. Obviously Turpis radcliffe is a carnivore, but it also likes to drink mojitos and vodka tonics. The coolest thing about Fugly Dicknosehausen is that it can glow in the dark! Yes, when Ash Ketchum decided to breed those three animals, he made sure that bioluminescence was a dominant phenotype. Most of the time, one can easily spot Turpis radcliffe in a crowd because it is the only animal with a glowing penis-nose. The strength of the penis nose-glow that it gives off is directly related to its ability to find a mate. Individuals with crappy glowing power go to Hotel Street for mates. Because it isn’t a real animal, no one has seen it in the wild, except for me and Napoleon Dynamite. From what I remember, this is what it looks like (no one laugh—I’m not an art major):

Ideal Date

This is how I go about asking someone out:
1. I usually like to get to know you before I make it official. This means café rendezvous, long phone calls and text messaging—I love texting.
2. Even though I fall in like easily, the other person needs to make their feelings known (body language, flirting, you know the signs) because I’m too shy to take a leap of faith.
3. First dates are always cause for extra attention to details. I realize how important first dates are, and I am always conscious about the first impression I make, so you know I’m thinking about fantastic first dates the moment you say, “Yes.”

Sorry to be superficial, but when I consider my options, appearance is definitely up there. Please try not to violate my “hair” rules, or wear the same thing every time we go out. I’m definitely an eyes person. The color of your eyes is not so important, as what I can see in them. Also, if you are overweight or your skin is translucent, I’m going to be a little turned off.

As far as dates go, I like to take care of my dates, and I definitely try to impress them by taking them out to places they like, or trying new activities. At the same time, I’m a fan of quiet time. I’m an outdoorsy person, so hiking, lying on a secluded beach or cruising around the island is always fun, whether I’m with friends or someone special. I get euphoric when I get to roll down the windows, blast some good music and sing, without caring who is listening. I’m a fan of hearing life stories, gossip and embarrassing moments, but I don't like to talk about anything too heavy, like politics, economics or exes. I like laughing and smiling and if you can make me LOL, you make my night. When I really care about a person I will pull out all the stops to impress them. One of my weaknesses is definitely spending too much money. When the impersonal flower girl comes around and asks if I would like to buy a photo or some roses, I’m all over it. If I like you, I don’t cut costs, and I never regret splurging on someone cool. Do I kiss on first dates? Hells yes! I like kissing—nothing too raunchy or obscene, but I like that contact, for sure.

Top 25 Hair Violations!

When styled, dyed, trimmed, shaped, buzzed or cut properly, hair can be appropriate, or even artful, in certain areas of the body. Unfortunately, there are many places or situations in which hair should be burned off immediately!

25 Hair Nightmares (in no particular order):
1. Back hair – seriously, man, get that s**t waxed immediately! Hairy backs remind me of Neanderthals…and there’s a reason they died off 30,000 years ago.

2. Girls with hairy pits/legs – TURN OFF! Remember that lady from Scary Movie 3 who was brushing her pit hair? Dayumn I know some girls like it “natural,” but no guy wants to feel his woman’s pit or leg hair/stubble. There is no reason to be all jungly—get a razor.

3. Thick mustaches/Hitler mustaches/curly mustaches – no mustaches…ever.

4. Unibrows – “Eyebrows. There should be two!” – Michael Caine, Miss Congeniality

5. Hairy ears – Gross! How can someone hear if they have hair growing out of there? The ear canal is just one of those places that hair should not be!

6. Cowboy boot sideburns – trailer trash.

7. Scratchy beards – Only pedophiles, drunks and Spencer Pratt are allowed to wear scratchy beards.

8. Dark hair on pale skin – There is nothing more frightening than going to the beach and seeing translucent tourists pull off their shirts to reveal thick clumps of dark hair all over their bodies. Worse off, guys who violate this one are usually bony. No one who wants to get some would ever take their shirt, etc. off without shaving that s**t off! Or at least go to a tanning booth and the gym first.

9. Mullets – there was a guy from my high school who thought having a mullet would be ok. Well, let me tell you: people still call him “Mullet” now—and it’s been two years since graduation! Do you want to be teased mercilessly? Didn’t think so.

10. Hair that looks like pubes – Honestly, if the hair that comes out of your head looks like pubes, you have three options: 1) Shave if off; 2) Wear a paper bag at all times, or; 3) Put a plastic bag over your head and inhale deeply.

11. Frankenstein haircuts – One of my friends-who-is-a-girl has a boyfriend with hair that is naturally wavy. Of all the haircuts he could have chosen, it looks like he went to the stylist with one of those Lego men and asked for that haircut. Bad move.

12. Hair coming out of moles (no, not the furry rodents) – Only witches have hairy moles. Besides, if you have a hairy mole, you might have more problems at hand than a hair no-no...

13. Thick hand/foot hair – Hairy appendages remind me of werewolves. And if you happen to turn into an angry dog with rabies every time there is a full moon, you are a turnoff.

14. Long hair down to your ass – There were a couple girls from middle school who I remember having long hair all the way down to their gluteus maximuses and beyond. It’s so disgusting because it must take so long to wash, and they used to walk around without tying them up! That’s a lot of crap in your hair at the end of the day.

15. Split ends – Personally, I don’t care if I have any, but I hear that girls hate them.

16. Tacky highlights – I remember way back in middle school when someone started the streaked-hair look. Sometimes highlights can look nice, but if you go overboard, or use tones that don’t match your hair, then you start to look like a cheap hooker.

17. Spiky hair – so 1990s, yet guys—particularly Asian guys—just keep beating that dead horse to a pulp.

18. Ass hair – enough said.

19. Donald Trump/Amy Winehouse/Rob Blagojevich – these people have pretty much trademarked their coifs. Their hair has been spoofed, ridiculed and duplicated in horror movies.

20. Hair in the shower drain/on washcloths/on the bathroom floor – I know home bathrooms are private places, but I hate it when I walk in and see random strands of hair all over!

21. Super thick chest hair – remember Steve Carell in “The 40 Year Old Virgin”? There was a reason he was still a vir-gin at 40.

22. Dreadlocks – I don’t care if you smoke pot, love “Cool Running” or fantasize about Bob Marley. Dreadlocks just tell people that you don’t take baths.

23. Beards on fat people – I love Santa, but beards on fat people remind me of lumberjacks. Lumberjacks remind me of suspenders and B.O.

24. Asian beards – such a cliché! Just because an Asian person is wise, doesn’t mean they have to have a super long beard that drags on the ground.

25. Unruly treasure trails – Unruly treasure trails are not treasure trails.

Moon Landing Anniversary

Ok, I’ll be honest with everyone: I forgot everything I learned about Apollo 11. Actually, now that I think about it, I’m not even sure if I was taught about the first lunar landing. When I read NASA’s and the BBC’s account of the first moonwalk, I realized how little I knew, and how I never considered that event relevant to my life. I’m still not sure I’ve ever been in a class that discussed “recent” U.S. history, but I’m sure that if we went over this event, we probably did not go into much depth. I don’t know how it is with schools that other people have gone to, but I feel like my school did not put as much emphasis on “current events”—events that occurred in the past fifty years—as it did on the founding of our nation, up to the turn of the 20th century. As a result, I realized how unfamiliar I am with my parents’ era and the time leading up to now. I think it is wrong for teachers to center their curriculum solely on events that occurred two hundred years ago. Events that happened that long ago are hard to imagine. Every time someone talks about how colonial life was, I wonder how they got so many details out of a couple of arrowheads. As a student, learning about our nation’s history would be easier if we got to learn about events we could actually imagine happening.

Because the school I went to did not spend as much time talking about the 20th century, I have trouble making connections with my parents, who were my age in the 60’s and 70’s. The intergenerational gap that opens between teens and their parents results partly from the lack of knowledge and understanding of each others eras. The Apollo 11 mission is a good example of this. My parents have their memories and significant events and I have mine, but our relationship would have been much better if I was more aware of the “cool” things that happened while they were young. It must have been so eye-popping, jaw-dropping to see the launch on television, no matter what color it was in. To see something that was once a fantasy come to fruition must be the best feeling in the world. There are very few events in history where you sit back in your chair and just stare—stare and cry because what you see or hear is so amazing. Of course I wasn’t alive when the moonwalk happened, but I'm sure the footage is just as emotional, no matter how many times you see it. Realizing that people worked, bled, died for this singular event to happen, and that this event represents generations of exploration and discoveries and defeating the odds—it wipes you off your feet and empties your mind. How many times in your life have you stopped and felt like what you are witnessing is bigger than the screen, bigger than a place, a work of a higher power?

It is difficult for me to say how this event impacted life today because I don't know enough about the historical context, or about where we are in terms of space exploration. Outer space is so cool! Little kids dream about worlds with no gravity and rocket ships and aliens. I think we will always be a species that looks up at the stars and wonders, “What’s out there?” I think that feeling of wonderment will drive us to discover more and strive to understand. Certainly, this event reminds us all that nothing is impossible, no matter how absurd it seems now.

Outer space is just as difficult an idea for me to grasp, as is the idea of microorganisms. I am convinced that both exist and they are intricate, fascinating and mind-blowing, but to me they’re just concepts. Perhaps this tells you what kind of learner/person I am. Illustrations in textbooks are easy to memorize and they’re fun to look at, but real images of outer space (and microorganisms) appear so different to me. I’ve always wanted to know how scientists could look at a blurry, black-and-white photo of a blob and write papers analyzing its makeup and function. I’m not easily convinced that all of the information we have is based on bad photographs and hypotheses. Understanding the way I think, I can totally see how skeptics could question the images they saw and the information they were fed. To be fair, the world needs people who question “the way things are,” because those are the people who push us to be more critical of the work we do and conclusions we draw. Being able to defend information with better facts and discoveries only makes us stronger. I'm sure we have tons of evidence to support the moonwalk, and very few people are crazy enough to try and bring down one of our nation's most cherished moments.

Paris Hilton's My New BFF

You've got to feel sorry for Paris Hilton. The girl’s got nothing going for her! Sure, she’s rich and famous, but her personal life sucks. Everyone knows she’s a pseudo-celebrity with no talent and no sense of morals or dignity. Paris came out of the dusty old uterus of the devil Kathy Hilton, wife of Hilton Hotel’s magnate, Richard Hilton. Paris has been all over the world, from Greece, where she slept with Stavros Niarchos III, to Sweeden where she hooked up with model, Alex Vaggo (do what you want with that last name). I don’t mean to be derogatory—ok, I do—but the girl has been in every semi-famous guy’s pants, except Lance Bass. She can’t act, sing, produce, model, dress, release a decent sex tape or go anywhere without the paparazzi trying to take pictures of the monster between her thighs. Recently, Hilton has been going through a particularly tough time. She broke up with her longtime boyfriend of three months, Doug Reinhardt; watched as her grandfather virtually cut her out of his will; and got sued…again!

Paris can take solace in the fact that her reality television show, “Paris Hilton’s My New BFF,” has been renewed, with British and Dubai versions of the show to debut soon. MTV, which has a reputation for releasing unoriginal, low-budget, brain-numbing productions, somehow found a way to make Paris look even…blonder. On “My New BFF,” Paris puts twelve potential “best friends forever” through ridiculous tests to see if they are ready to live by her side in the fast lane to hell. Anyone watching the show knows that the heiress isn’t going to pick any of them at the end, just so she can force MTV to renew her contract, just like how rapper Flavor Flav and “head bitch in charge” (H.B.I.C.), "New York," purposely reject all of the contestants on their own shows. I’ve only seen one episode of “My New BFF,” but I am convinced that it is the worst show on television.

Reason number one: Paris Hilton can never be BFF’s with a “normal” person. She always has to party with the most dysfunctional, wasted, talentless ho’s in Hollywood. Tabloids have caught her with fellow “famous-for-being-messed-up” gal pals Lindsay Lohan, Kim Kardashian and Nicole Ritchie. After seeing who she hangs out with, is there anyone out there stupid enough to actually believe that she would pick a person who doesn’t have rich parents or the alcohol tolerance of a keg, to be her BFF? Apparently, the people who apply to be on the show have no problem sucking up to Paris, and Paris herself has no problem letting them worship the ground she walks on. Because it is impossible for someone to actually win the show, there is no point to the show, except to put Paris on display as she makes fun of the lowlifes who beg for her friendship.

Reason number two: Paris Hilton is not a role model. What kind of girl would want to have Paris Hilton’s life? Although she’s rich, no amount of money can hide that truth that she’s probably got a ton of STDs from all those guys she’s been with. Paris calls herself an “entrepreneur,” but it seems like all of her projects tank. When you look at her face, she looks like a drag queen, and when she speaks, all those around her lose 10 IQ points. Come on, MTV, making a mockery of a poor fugly girl who wants to be MADE into a rapper is one thing, but putting Paris Hilton, who has absolutely nothing to contribute to society, on television is an admission that our country has gone off the deep end.

Reason number three: Paris Hilton has no right to advertise that she knows what true friends are. How can she judge who her real friends are, when so many of the guys she dates are only “tapping that” for the private jets, admittance to Hollywood clubs and free hotel stays? Unlike other shows like “The Bachelor/Bachelorette,” the elimination decisions are made by Paris without the help of a creepy assistant man who stands in the corner of every shot. When she sends someone home, she bats her eyelashes, cocks her head and gives the rejected BFF a fake hug. Before they are out of the range of the camera, Paris leans forward in her throne and talks s**t about them behind their back. This comes only minutes after Paris tells the group how much their honesty, sincerity and truthfulness matters to her and how, if her BFF were to talk s**t about her, she would be devastated. I’m convinced that the only way someone can go on TV and behave that way is if they are stoned out of their mind, which I would never put past Paris Hilton.

Other shows that I find appalling:
1. The Hills – the scripted-unscripted show that lifted “Speidi” out of its home behind the toilet
2. I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here! – a show about people that don’t even count as celebrities
3. My Super Sweet 16 – fake, spoiled-rotten kids, most of whom are fat, ugly, and/or cross-eyed
4. Maui Fever – inaccurately portrayed Hawaii as a place full of rich haoles with petty "girl problems"

Embarrassing Moment

I went to Colgate University in New York for my first year of college. Colgate is in a little town called Hamilton, where the only block of houses is frat row. Because the town is so small, there really isn’t a lot of stuff to do if the frats aren’t hosting parties, so the majority of the action happens on campus at the dorms. For my nineteenth birthday I wanted to do something extra special, so I declared the week of my birthday, “My birthday week” and decided to go out partying every night. The only thing I enjoyed more than going to parties was hosting parties, so the night before my birthday I decided to host a huge party in my suite. My roommates were all for free alcohol and they helped me rearrange the room for a beirut (beer pong) tournament, while one of my friends volunteered to bartend and DJ. I bought $300 worth of alcohol and invited a ton of people. The party was a huge success and everyone was drunk and having a great time. At some point during the party I blacked out. The last thing I remembered was dumping a cup of cheap beer on some random girl’s head while screaming “See You Again,” by Miley Cyrus.

The next morning, the day of my birthday, I woke up to find that I was lying in the middle of the common room in our suite. The room was a total mess and there were random semi- or fully naked people lying around on top of each other. My head was throbbing and my stomach was really churning, so I pulled on a pair of boots and stumbled outside. The main cafeteria was located right next to my dorm, so I didn’t bother putting on a jacket or long pants. I was so disoriented that I walked in to the cafeteria without examining myself before I entered.

The first sign that something was amiss came when I checked in. The lady who takes the I.D. cards and swipes them to let you in smiled and said, “Good morning,” to the girls in front, but when she saw me, her jaw dropped and her face darkened. She took my card without a word and raised her eyebrows. I was so out of it that I only half noticed, but when I got in line to get breakfast, the people around me started snickering and laughing. I looked around to see who they were laughing at, but there was no one else around, so I glanced over at my reflection in the mirror behind the counter and dropped my tray on the floor, spilling eggs and potatoes everywhere. My hair was, was sticky, as if I used gel, but I know I didn’t the night before and there was something hanging from the back of my head! I swung my head around to look and a used condom swung and hit the side of my face! I was so shocked I just stood there and slowly raised my hand up to touch it. Whose was it? Was it mine? Did I do something while I was blacked out? The condom was still moist, but when I tried to yank it out of my hair it was stuck! Suddenly I was fully awake. I covered it with my hand, ran to the bathroom and dunked my head into the sink. To get the damn thing out I had to massage my hair until I got the stickiness out. A couple of guys walked in and saw me holding the condom with one hand, so they backed out slowly. Needless to say, I didn’t show my face in the cafeteria for a month afterwards…

Never Make Friends with Teachers on Facebook

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/05/magazine/05FOB-ethicist-t.html?_r=1

First of all, the kids who friended their teacher, but didn't place restrictions on what he or she could view from their profile are stupid! One of the biggest differences between Facebook and Myspace (and the reason I deleted my Myspace) is because Facebook has the option to make private whatever you don't want certain people to see. It is even possible to customize what individual people see. I have older cousins with Facebook accounts. When I say "older," I mean A LOT older, as in "married, with kids, working full time." Besides the fact that they're all much older than I am, they are all super devout Mormons who take transgressions seriously. I don't want them to go blabbing to my parents that I'm drinking underage, that I have been going to raves or that I swear like whoa when I'm upset. The way I view it, everyone has secrets. Being friends on Facebook is a recognition that that person exists, not an automatic go-ahead for them to know everything about you. Simply, if I don't want someone to see my pictures, I don't let them. If I don't want certain people to know who is sending me bumper stickers, I hide that part of my profile. If I don't want someone to contact me, I block their asses! Or, borrowing from the saying, "abstinence is the best protection," withholding private information is probably the best way to go.

To begin with, though, friending teachers is just plain weird! Just as most people probably don't want their teachers to see the drunken orgies they participated in, most people probably don't want to see the drunken orgies their teachers participated in. Why would you put a teacher through the agony of having to know that you, their student, is smoking pot or, from the looks of this picture, doing something naked in that hotel room bed? As a rule, I never friend my coaches, teachers or family members, and if I were to, I would definitely not let them see everything I'm doing, no matter how close I am to them.

As for the whole, "intervening if they kid is in trouble" situation, dude, Facebook is, "a place for friends." FRIENDS, not psychologists and therapists and people who want to set out remedying other peoples' lives. If a teacher is going to be friends with a student and vice versa, seeing someone's business is none of each others' concern. If someone is cutting themselves and posting pictures/videos of them doing the deed, yes, by all means, notify someone. Drinking or smoking or having sex are not things I would consider "life threatening," at least not in the immediate future. Notifying someone else about someone doing anything "minor" may just cause undue embarassment.

And to comment on "the old racist lady" article, that's messed up. If I noticed something like that, I would be sure to bump that person on the way out.

Say "No" to Babies

Interesting facts:
U.S.A. birth rate (2008): 14.18 per 1000 population (0.975%)
Niger birth rate (20008): 49.62 per 1000 population (2.878%)

Hmm, so the U.S. is not maintaining its population because its birth rate is below 1...and Niger is almost tripling its population!

Let's just put this out there right now: I do not want kids for at least another ten years!

Ok, so anyway, the subject of parenthood makes me so uncomfortable! It all started my senior year of high school (2006-2007)...

In order to graduate, every senior at my high school has to do a quarter (half a semester) of mandatory community service. Most people get assigned to local Head Start chapters as teaching assistants. We didn't really have to do much except keep the kids engaged, watch them on the playground and help them eat, but, by the time my shift was over I was so tired! THEN, after I graduated, I spent the summer before my freshman year of college helping at a summer fun program at Pearl Harbor. For four hours, three times a week I would stand out in the sweltering sun, teaching military brats how to play tennis. When I say brats, I mean it in an "I'm-convinced-that-the-stereotype-is-correct" kind of way. Those kids were so bad! Apparently they didn't see me as an authority figure, so they ran me and my teaching partner around the court--literally! The only reason I stayed around to the end was because I was getting $15 an hour to teach something I know a ton about. I've always known that I would like to have kids some day, but definitely not in the close future!

The thing about living and growing up in a place as small and confined as Hawaii is that you end up spending waaay too much time with family. When you spend this much time with your family, the subject of starting your own family is bound to come up sooner or later. In my case, not having kids isn’t really an option for me because of several factors. First of all, my grandparents are super Asian! They believe that we need to “pass on the family name” and have a lot of kids to take care of us when we get old. Secondly, my parents had a little trouble conceiving, so they absolutely love kids and have my parenting life all planned out. They want my kids to go to Punahou, come over to grandma and grandpa’s house after school and I’m sure they’ve already picked out wallpaper for their play room! Thirdly, my extended families are all Mormons. There are a couple things you think about when someone says “Mormons”: Utah, the raids on those child labor or underage marriage ranches and lots of babies! I have 24 first cousins, and because my brother and I are the youngest in the family by far, most of my cousins have babies of their own. I’ve given up trying to remember their names already, which makes family parties kind of awkward. Everyone around me expects to have kids and it has never bothered me because I was always so much younger and I felt like I had so much time left. Because most of my cousins got married straight out of undergrad school, now that I’m twenty, I’m beginning to feel a little pressure!

Part of me is really bothered by that pressure. I know I got pressured into going away for my first year of college, at a time in my life when I wasn’t ready to be independent, and I don’t want the same thing to happen with me and parenting. When it comes to kids, I respect people who have kids enough to know that I am not at that level yet. I cannot put someone else’s life ahead of mine and, although I would step in front of a train for my family, I’m not ready to sacrifice my career, future, plans, life, etc. for a defenseless little thing just yet. Maybe it is a good thing that I don’t find little kids cute or cuddly; I know they don’t like to be around me so it works out. All I know is that this is one area I cannot afford to make mistakes in. Having a kid is not like drinking too much or taking illegal drugs. Those things you do to yourself, and the damage, for the most part, is limited to your own life, but having a baby now would be the end of the life I live for “me,” and that baby would remind me of that one crappy decision. I can’t imagine how I would deal with the regret I would feel after I realized, post-baby, that I had lofty goals I didn’t even give myself a fair chance to achieve.

U-Pass

(Seeing as the U-Pass fee has already been passed I don't see a point in expressing our opinions about the topic because it won't do anything to change the outcome but here it goes...)

I am a supporter of the $20 bus fee. I don't understand why anyone would be against a bill like this. Honestly, I didn't pay much attention when the bill was being looked at slash voted on by the senate (or whichever student group is in charge of adding things to our tuition), but my friend offered to give me a "I'd ride that" t-shirt, so I had to pretend to be interested while he rambled on and on about the benefits of a mandatory $20 fee. Even though I don't ride the bus anywhere, knowing that I can take the bus if I ever need to is comforting. In addition, the humanitarian side of me knows that there are people who don't have cars (I don't have my own car, but my brother goes to Punahou, which is right next to UHM so I get dropped off and picked up) and are totally reliant on the bus system to travel to their destination. I don't know how much it is for a monthly bus pass, but because everyone is paying and the fees are spread among more people, people that do take the bus get a nice price cut. The price of the fee is just right because $20 seems to be a manageable amount for anyone to pay. Paying $20 per month extra is not a big deal, especially when UH's in-state tuition is one of the lowest in the nation. I'm just happy that I don't have to pay upwards of $40,000 per year to go to a college that is worse than, on level ground with or only slightly more highly regarded than UHM. College is what you make it, blah blah blah...(Some of my friends went away to average schools on the mainland when they could probably have stayed here and done just as badly.)

Of couse, I'm sure one of the reasons this bill was passed was so that UHM can brag that it is doing its part in reducing greenhouse gas emissions. Obviously that is total bullshit. In order for that to happen, the people who drive to school would need to start using their shiny new bus passes to take the bus. If the people who drive can afford to pay for parking and gas then $20 should be no big deal to them and they can keep on living their lives. Everyone wins.

I would also like to take this opportunity to say that the mandatory athletic fee isn't such a bad idea, either. Maybe UH athletics doesn't have as big a fan base as does the bus system, but implementing a fee could still do a lot of good for our school. First of all, UH is the only school in the WAC that doesn't have an athletics fee. How can we expect to compete with other schools for recruits when our facilities look like dumping grounds and our athletic program is constantly cutting costs? Does anyone remember what happened in 2007? The UHM football team went undefeated in the regular season and ended up in the Sugar Bowl in Louisiana. It take a lot of impartiality towards your school to say you don't care what happened and that you don't care if that happens again. Let me say that a moment like that might never happen again, unless we buttress the UH athletics program so that they can at least get on their feet! The school lost a lot of money in the past year because of the recession, but the athletics program took an additional hit. The lack of fan support at UH home games is one thing, but not lending financial support is downright sad. Do you realize that UH gets paid when it competes in a bowl game? Or that football is the number one money maker for any school's athletic department? Other schools get funded because of the revenue brought in by football. Come on! The tuition here is SO low compared to other schools! If you think about it from the perspective that we are SAVING money, paying $20 for a bus pass and $50 or so to the athletic department is manageable.

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